The Two Year Plan -- Updates

So, The Best Friend wanted to know what was going on with The Two Year Plan. It occurred to me that the best way to answer her was in a blog post, so I can, y'know, update y'all too.

Here's what's going on, in list form. Cuz it's late, I'm starting to get tired and lists are just easier:

1) The Two Year Plan is still in effect.

2) The Boyfriend™ has extended the deadline of the plan. Mostly, I think, because he's a chickenshit. :P He's saying five years. I'm saying it'll be two years... from now.

3) The parents, in their awesomeness, are selling us their old house in a kind of owner-financed situation. The Nancarita is doing this to set us up to have a nice nest egg to move home with. But this means that...

4) The Boyfriend™ is right; it's going to take us a bit longer to get home.

5) Mostly because we're both procrastinators of the first order and it's going to take a bit to get our acts together, credit-wise.

6) Because we're moving to a new house, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to move again in a year. Well, I guess it kind of does, but I really hate living out of boxes. Which is what I'm doing now. Which is also why I haven't packed more.

7) I may have been overly-optimistic in my whole grand scheme. I want to go home, fo sho, but I also have a whole lot of stuff I want to do here, too... well, around here. There's something to be said for being within driving distance of New Orleans.

8) Frankly, I have bigger fish to fry at the mo'. Which is the whole "stuff I want to do around here" point. I have a creative biz I want to get off the ground. The market here isn't saturated with the work I do, but it is saturated back home. Sales 101: don't try to be successful in a market that already has a bunch of successful people in it... doing the exact same thing.

9) And this is the big one: wherever you go, there you are. It doesn't matter if I live here, home or Timbuktu. If I'm not happy here, I won't be happy at home. Well, that's not entirely true -- I'll be less unhappy back home because it's, y'know, home. But I think the lesson I need to learn in all of this living in a state I actively loathe is that I need to find peace and happiness within myself before I go running back home.

10) I'm willing to accept that I may end up staying here, but only if it's what feels right. At the moment, staying in Florida doesn't feel right. But I may develop Stockholm syndrome. You never know.

So there are the updates. Life keeps on happening and I keep going with the flow. But I'll say this: there are moments when you need to sit back and wait for things to happen in their own time, and there are other moments that you need to seize by the short and curlies and make them your bitch. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference. I'm at a point where there are a whole bunch of roads opening up to me; a whole lot of opportunities that I need to chase down for all they're worth. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that the move back home is probably one of those things I need to let happen in its own time. But only because I need to make some other moments my bitch.

Inch by Inch

The Etsy shop is growing! I've added more items -- earrings, for now -- and will be adding more very, very soon! The Boyfriend™ fixed my loaner sewing machine, so after I'm done being a little one-man Christmas sweatshop, I'll return to making my fun and whimsical fabric jewelry.

I plan on making the investment -- time and money-wise -- to get more traffic to my page. However, I definitely want a bigger selection up there before I start directing a ton of traffic to my Etsy shop. In the mean time, I'll promote it here and on my web page -- www.samandsady.com.

I have some other updates that I'll get up here in the next couple of days -- including: how I lost the Mother of the Year Award; why I'm considering a career change (to waitressing, actually); how The Best Friend® abandoned me to make herself happy; and the great Christmas Tree Debacle... OK. It was neither a debacle or much of a story, but I'm wicked excited to have the first real Christmas tree I've had since I moved to this godforsaken state (and it's officially The Boyfriend™'s first real tree, period).

Until I can get back to the computer, I leave you with this outtake from this year's Christmas card:

Thoughts on synchronicity

I was supposed to go to South Carolina yesterday, for work. I was looking forward only to having a few hours with which to contemplate my simmering thoughts, but otherwise would've preferred to stay home.

I arrived at Tampa airport on time, made it through security without a hitch, only to get a call (while standing in line for coffee) from work that my flight out was delayed for an hour. Fortunately, Tampa has smoking lounges (I'm aware that it's a filthy habit), and I decided to make the most of my extra hour by playing my favorite game, "People Watching."

My extra hour wait went by and I made a couple sketches of people and, because I wasn't at all happy with the results, put my sketch book away and started contemplating life and what I want to accomplish with this next year of my life (side note: it doesn't matter how old I get, I still think of a year by the school year -- starting in September and ending in June). Noticing the time, I put my journal away and started making preparations for boarding my flight. All of a sudden I felt my backpack vibrating which could only mean that my phone was ringing. I grabbed my phone and answered yet another call from work, "don't get on that plane. The Monkey broke his collar bone."

Freaked out, panicked, frazzled, helpless... All of these emotions flooded over me quickly and furiously. Sure, a broken clavicle isn't life threatening, but my baby was HURT. ANd not just in a skinned knee way, but in a BIG way.

Long story short, and with a HUGE thanks due to The Best Friend ®and The Boyfriend™, The Monkey is fine-ish. He has a broken collar bone and has to spend the next six weeks in a sling, but it could've been worse and fortunately it wasn't.

After my adrenaline rush wore off, I was able to fully appreciate the minor miracle that I experienced. I'm one of those rare Delta passengers that never complains of tardy flights. In fact, my flights with Delta are usually EARLY. There was no inclement weather delaying this flight and no other immediately apparent cause. It was just late. What would otherwise be an annoyance proved a moment of pure synchronicity. If my flight had been on time, I wouldn't have been able to be there for my son. I would've only found out about his collarbone during my layover in Atlanta, and then it would've taken a helluva lot more to get me home.

There are other moments, some bigger, some smaller than this one, that reinstil my belief in synchronicity. My relationships with The Best Friend® and The Boyfriend™ being two good examples. But moments like this never cease to amaze me and fill me with both gratitude and awe. My life can be anything I want it to be, if I'm open and receptive to the signs.

And The Best Friend will always be two years older than me

It is my birthday today, and I spent a glorious day of doing whatever the hell I felt like doing-- which really wasn't all that much. I napped... A lot. I went out to lunch with my beloved, and got more birthday greetings than I could count on all my fingers and toes. It was a GOOD day.

It occurred to me that I was grateful for just the remembrance from family and friends, and didn't care that I didn't have minds and mounds of gifts to open. The gift of friendship and love from so many people reminded me how truly blessed I am, and all that love meant so very much more than all the gold in Fort Knox.

The thoughtfulness in the arrangement of flowers and 33 balloons from my mom, the book and camera that The Best Friend got me two months ago, the scrumptious edible arrangement from my ever thoughtful uncle John, and my Brion Box of goodies all delighted me to no end. Then gestures, so filled with love and thoughtfulness meant so much to me, that my heart is near to bursting with gratitude and love.

The Boyfriend gave me a kick ass Hindu yoga poster - ever aware of my passing and lasting fancies - and with it, gave me the gift of rearranging the house so that our energy can flow better. He's treated me like a princess all day and I have wallowed in his adoration and love.

Even The Trolls remembered my day, and sang happy birthday all the way to school. The Nugget, who tends toward misbehaving at school, suffered through being haved all day so he'd have a sticker to show me. The Monkey was disappointed that nobody got me a cake, because a person shouldn't have to buy her own cake on her birthday. I had to remind him that I'm allergic to eggs and really don't like cake all that much just so he'd stop worrying so much.

I am damn lucky. My nana's prophecy that 33 is a very good year to be is already in existence, already manifested. It IS a good year. With all this loving kindness, there isn't anything I can't do. Heck, there's even a meteor shower tonight, as if God said, "here. Make all the wishes you can think up, cuz I'm gonna grant 'em all."

Insert blog title here.... And other updates

Ok...so I'm not much for the catchy blog titles today, but can you blame me?

Well, since I haven't updated in a while, I guess you can, since y'all have no idea what's been going on. With me, that is.

So...what have I been up to lately? Moving. Sweet merciful Christ this is the move that will never end. If, God forbid (knock on wood, ptew, ptew), The Boyfriend™ and I don't work out, HE can move because I am never doing this again. Now I remember why I prefer precipitating factors for co-habitation.

But in fairness, The Boyfriend™ has been an absolute dream about all of this. For all intents, I have completely taken over his previously "pristine" domicile and action packed it full of my crap. And the man has HELPED me do it. He's packed and loaded and unpacked and moved stuff around, just so I have enough space for my stuff. And he hasn't bitched once. Outloud, anyway.

have I mentioned, lately, how grateful I am for him? Well, I am.

And The Best Friend® has been remarkably patient with me, too. I haven't exactly been attentive or a very good friend these days, and most of my conversation has been filled with moving updates and Boyfriend chatter. She hasn't even so much as rolled her eyes... In front of me, anyway.

Have I mentioned how grateful I am for her? Well, I am.

And there is a whole slew of other people I am grateful for, too, who have done everything to make this go as smoothly as possible. Even The Ex has been a trooper about it, taking The Trolls so I could move.

So that's what's going on. A whole bunch of moving and a whole bunch of gratitude. All in all, life is pretty good.

Very soon, I hope to get back to the whole life list living and updates about my quest to achieve the dream. But I'll have to find that box first.

This post brought to you by the letters "Pro" and "Crastination"

OK. So I have a laundry list of things to do -- which actually includes doing literal laundry -- and I was all gung-ho to get it done and then, well, my nature kicked in and I decided that updating my blog was a better idea.

The Best Friend(R) also has a blog. Well, she has the bones of a blog. But she announced her blog on her Christmas cards and has dedicated herself to actually blogging (Oh, hey! G... time to start blogging!). And she even set up a schedule (pronounced shed-yule) to do it.

I'm inherently competitive and so took her idea and made it my own. I've decided that my shed-yule for blogging is any time I don't feel like doing what's on my laundry list of things to do.

Yes, I realize this is all very self-defeating. Did I mention that self-defeat is one of my hobbies? It's all part of my charm, really. Oh boy! Does The Boyfriend™ ever have a wake up call comin'!

Anyhoo... I digress (shocker there).

So here's what's new-ish in my world.

The Nugget has this daily agenda thing that his teacher fills out to let me know what kind of day he had at school (usually "not good"). The Nugget is also supposed to write down his homework assignments for the day in said agenda. I'm supposed to read and initial something that says I've read it. I'm not very good at initialing -- mostly because The Nugget tells me if he had a good or bad day, so I kinda feel like my his work  is done, and I don't need to do the whole initialing thing.

Well, now I have a handy-dandy excuse to initial. The Nugget's teacher, apparently, took her teaching methods straight out of George Orwell's 1984, and insists that all children tow the line. The Nugget is not one for towing any lines, much less one made by a teacher he doesn't like, so Mrs. Bitch-Face (that's my pet name for her) has taken to writing snarky comments in his agenda. I've taken it upon myself to snark back. It's fun!

Some excerpts:

Now that The Nugget has all his work turned in, he needs to work on his behavior. The Nugget is not paying attention, he does not focus on his assignments, he talks at the wrong times, and he twirls his hair. ~Mrs. Bitch-face.

It took every ounce of will power I had to not point out the her inability to write coherently. Mostly because I was distracted that TWIRLING HIS HAIR is a behavior issue. Really? Really?! So I responded with:

Thank you for the note. We will work on The Nugget's behavior at home. However, the hair twirling tic is genetic - I do it, too - and it helps him calm down. So, I won't disallow him that one concession. Thank you, ~"You're pissing me off, Lady!"

Apparently that pissed her off enough to start giving him a black dot (indication of a bad day) for every infraction from not turning his homework in, to being late, to, apparently, twirling his hair. Right after Thanksgiving, I get another note home:

Please be aware that school starts at 7:45 AM. The Nugget has been late the last 3 days. (Her underline, not mine).

That level of snark was crossing the line. So I called The Nancarita up to get some advice about writing a nice, but firm, note back to Mrs. Bitch-face. Here's what we came up with:

Dear Mrs. Bitch-face (notice that I actually addressed the note directly to her, rather than rudely getting right to the point?)

Your reminder was unnecessary. I am aware of what time school starts. I have been dropping The Nugget off with more than enough time to make it to class on time.

That being said, The Nugget is currently in the midst of a growth spurts and is constantly hungry (he's eating anything that's not nailed down). My guess is that he's going in search of a second breakfast.

Since I can't walk him directly to his classroom, I don't know how to rectify this problem. Any suggestion you have would be welcome. 

Thank you ~  "Seriously, you need to get the hell over yourself."

So today, because she couldn't leave well enough alone, and because she peppers The Nugget's agendas with black dots like it's her sole purpose on this earth, I had to address it. Also, I had to address the issue because I know The Nugget did the math assignment he supposedly didn't turn in. Why? Because he did the assignment twice -- once on the wrong day, and the other time on the correct day.

Her: Math homework page 84 has not been turned in.

My response:

Dear Mrs. Bitch-face,

What is the policy regarding giving black dots? By looking at his agenda, it seems that The Nugget is incapable of achieving a good day, but I have no knowledge of the why. For instance, last week, it appears that you penalized The Nugget for being late. The week before, it appears to have been a homework issue.

If you would, please provide detailed explanations for his black dots, each day, so that I am better able to address any specific issues that you may have. Otherwise, I would ask that you be less seemingly arbitrary in your daily assessments.

Thank you ~ "OK. Now I'm REALLY pissed."

That was this evening, so we'll see what she has to say. Needless to say, it may get interesting.

And in other news... moving during Christmas sucks. Between work, packing, cleaning and work, I don't have the energy or desire to really decorate. I'm forcing myself to put up my tree because it's what good moms do. Also, despite my desire to have a real, honest-to-God Christmas tree this year, I'm going with my fake one again. Mostly because I just learned that one acre of Christmas trees produce enough oxygen for 18 people. The environmentalist in me just can't ignore that statistic.

The sexiest women in the world? Really??

As I may have mentioned, I don't have cable. As such, I'm not subject to as much commercialization as the bulk of America. For this, I give thanks.

But I do have internet access, which means that I am kinda sorta aware of what's going on in the world around me. I guess, earlier this week, Victoria's Secret had some sort of runway spectacular, where a bunch of emaciated-looking, scantily-clad women trotted around making approximately 99.74565% of the women watching this thing feel like utter and complete shit about themselves.

It didn't help that the show advertised that the sexiest women in the world would be modeling.

Really? Really?! These are the sexiest women alive?

This is a rhetorical question, really, but when in the hell did Victoria's Secret become the standard to which all beauty must be held?!

When did this become beautiful?!

Image taken from http://ednosgirl.wordpress.com/thinspiration/

Seriously, I want to take this girl home and force feed her a sandwich.

But it's not her fault. Not really. She's just as much a victim of fashion's pervasive hold on our aesthetic psyche.

And when Victoria's Secret touts this as one of the sexist women in the world, the world is clearly sick. As far as I'm concerned, this is socially sanctioned abuse of women.

Worst of  all, we allow it to happen. We allow ourselves to be abused.

As a student of history, I know that women have almost always been expected to shape their bodies to someone's ideal of perfection. We pluck, we tuck, we paint, we dye. All in the vain attempt to look different from ourselves; to be desired not for our inner worth, but our outward appearance.

Even the Rubenesque ideal, as more honest a depiction of real women as it was, was still not attainable by the average woman of that time:

Paul Rubens - The Three Graces

Ironic, I know.

I spent the last 11 years of the 13 I spent with The Ex concerned about how I looked, lest I get too heavy for him to love. I knew -- intellectually -- that I was better than that, but still allowed myself to feel less than because I couldn't get rid of the baby weight. I knew that I was intelligent, beautiful, witty and charming. I knew, on some level, that I was, in fact, sexy. But because I was heavy; because I didn't still possess my swimmer's body, the value I gave myself was close to nothing. Any worth I had was closely tied to his opinion of me.

It's bullshit, really, but it's a mindset that isn't easily shaken. Even now, I have an adoring loving boyfriend, who finds me ridiculously sexy, and I still won't let him see me naked because I don't look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I even have a hard time finding this picture of me sexy, because I know that I deliberately positioned myself so my mom apron wouldn't be in the picture. I made Miguelito take the picture using the whole depth of field trick so my stretch marks wouldn't show. I wore the shirt so my droopy, saggy boobs wouldn't be too obvious:

Yup, this is me. Picture taken by Michael Barnard

I don't find this picture of me really sexy and yet, this is The Boyfriend™'s favorite picture of me.

What's worse, is that I still have a hard time finding myself intrinsically valuable despite all indications to the contrary.

There is something inherently wrong with that. Fo'reals... how am I not one of the sexiest women in the world? How is The Best Friend (R) not? How is The Nancarita not?

Fact is, we are some of the sexiest women in the world!

I can't change the world over night (until such time as I become the ruler of the world, which will happen. Mark my words), but I can change how I view the world -- and myself.

All of you fabulously un-airbrushed women out there! Those of you without personal trainers and personal chefs. Those of you that stay at home raising your children, or are out in the world working your heinies off to feed your children. Those of you without children, or with grown children, or with grandchildren. Those of you who can comfortably wear a size four and those of you who squeeze into a size fourteen. And everything in between -- all of you, join me in declaring yourselves THE SEXIEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD!

Because YOU ARE the sexiest women in the world! Let your light shine through and LOVE YOURSELVES. Turn off the TV and go stand in front of the full length mirror and love the hell out of those curves and stretch marks and saggy boobs. Worship yourselves for the goddesses you truly are!

Then, when you're done, remind yourself that it's what's INSIDE that makes you truly beautiful!

So I get a little obsessed sometimes. Doesn't everyone?

When The Boyfriend™ and I first started dating, and up until very recently, most of my conversations were peppered with mentions of "The Boyfriend™ did this..." and "The Boyfriend™ said..." This was due in large part to his novelty. The relationship is still pretty new (we haven't even hit the 18 month mark yet), and because the bulk of my dating experience happened during high school, most every event and milestone in our relationship was new. So I talked about it non-stop.

Suffice it to say, The Best Friend ®  is very patient and long suffering. She only called me out on the obsessive boyfriend chatter once.

Despite the continued novelty of The Boyfriend™ and his deliciousness -- and in no small part due to my undiagnosed ADD -- my gallbladder is my latest obsession. I mean, I was just told that I have an affliction that will effect the rest of my life y'all... like having kids, except that my gallbladder won't ever move out. And I can't ground it.

What's worse is that most people who have low gallbladder ejection fraction results just get the thing removed and deal with the dietary restrictions that come with having no gallbladder. Seriously, I scoured the internet for more information about LGEF and there is nada out there, except forums for people who just got their HIDA scan results back and are moving onto the forcible eviction of their gallbladder stage.

WTF, people?! Seriously WebMD? You've got nothing?! And don't think I've forgotten about YOU, homeopaths and holistic healers! Where are my remedies? Where are the teas and tinctures and tonics to get my gallbladder to start pushing out bile like it's supposed to?

Oh and Google? You're supposed to think for me! Why aren't you popping up search results that don't include "gallstones" in the posts?! I don't have gallstones; I have a practically non-existent gallbladder ejection fraction (I'm not being hyperbolic here. It really is practically non-existent. Normal function is between 35-75%. Mine is 3-7%).

Internets, you have let me down. You have not given me the magical answer to make my gallbladder behave itself. I thought you were omnipotent, God-like... dare I say you were actually God. But, you have limits and I have found them.

So now I'm back to obsessing about my gallbladder. I'm trying to send it lots of love and healing energy (the opposite of what I do when The Trolls misbehave). I'm taking it to fat-free dinners and speaking to it in soothing and dulcet tones. I'm also talking about it non-stop to anyone who will listen. What I can and can't consume will keep me chattering for literal tens of minutes on end and I'm debating getting "Pavlov's Bitch" tattooed on my ass, because I totally feel like a Pavlovian dog at the moment.

Or maybe I should name my gallbladder Pavlov.

12 Things - I learned this week

1. I am not a good patient in the hospital -- well, I am when I have to be there, I think (like when I had meningitis). But when I don't have to be there? I am a whiny, crying baby.

2. I have a malfunctioning gallbladder -- because my gallbladder didn't want The Monkey to have all the fun, so it decided to be disobedient, too.

3. A malfunctioning gallbladder and a hedonist personality do not mix -- Because now I can't have chocolate. Or bacon. Or chocolate covered bacon. For the rest of my life.

4. I can have chocolate and bacon... if I want to be in a LOT of pain -- and I'm not down with pain.

5. My spirituality goes all to hell when I'm in the hospital -- I just couldn't bring myself to be kind of compassionate when my roommate was snoring like a buzzsaw, which prevented me from sleeping, but DID make me cry like a baby.

6. My spirituality comes right back when I'm home & can reflect on my blessings -- I am incredibly grateful for all the love and kindness that was sent my way over the last couple of days. I am wholly blessed and loved, which goes a long way toward the healing process.

7. The Nancarita is precious -- she was all freaking out that she couldn't be with me in the hospital, despite being the one that was taking care of The Trolls while I was in there, ergo, relieving me of any worry I had about their care.

8. The Boyfriend™ is a blessing -- I don't think I can ever adequately express how good he is. I'll spare y'all the schmoopiness.

9. Everything has fat in it -- and having to live a mostly fat-free lifestyle now, I am becoming increasingly paranoid about anything I put in my mouth. My gallbladder has turned me into one of Pavlov's dogs.

10. I am a mama bear when I can't be near The Trolls -- those are my chicks, y'all. And even though I know they're being well taken care of, being forced to not see them does not make me happy.

11. The Best Friend (R) is adorable -- home girl hung out until she was absolutely sure I was being discharged... despite having much more amusing things planned with her kid-free evening. That's friendship right there.

12. There's nothing more restorative and therapeutic than a kiss and hug from The Trolls.

Have I mentioned that I love my camera phone app?

Roof top at work -- who knew it could be so artsy?

Marc -- he was not amused when I made him sit still for this

Dianne -- sweetheart and incredibly beautiful

Here's The Best Friend® looking like Meryl Streep

This is me -- The Best Friend® took it

A tree with some berries.

A rain gutter -- again, who knew a gutter could be art?!

I'm so in love with this app! During my lunch break, I can be artsy and it makes me feel TONS better about my 9 to 5. Not only that, but The Best Friend® finally feels like the artist she truly is, thus, is happier.


The world really looks a whole lot different and more enjoyable when you can look at it in a different frame.

The Everything I Love to Do List

I think I mentioned that, through a moment of synchronicity, it was Karen Walrond's blog - www.chookooloonks.com - that set me on the course of living my most authentic life.

Her story is remarkably similar to my own, to the point where I find myself constantly nodding my head in agreement, as if I were bobbing my head along to my favorite song. I check her page every day for inspiration and to keep me true on the path when I feel like I should just give up and do what "I should."

So, thank you, Ms. Walrond, for being my beacon. While you don't know me from Adam, I owe you a debt of gratitude.

Because she's been right on the money so far, I am taking Karen Walrond's advice and listing everything I love to do that fills me with joy and/or grace.

I am, more-than-likely, going to forget a whole lot of things that I love - mostly because the fact that I love something doesn't hit me until I'm smack dab in the middle of doing it, where, upon the epiphany of love, I relish the moment and then promptly get distracted by something shiny.

No, I don't have ADD. Why do you ask?

Without further ado, and in no particular order, here's my list of things I love to do:

1. Drawing, painting, sketching, collaging -- basically, anything at all have to do with making art.
2. Photography -- especially if it's urban decay. How I love urban decay.
3. Reading
4. Drinking coffee (I need to marry Juan Valdez)
5. Yoga (I really need to do this more often. I always feel tons better afterward... except during that one period when I was getting angry all the time during and after)
6. Date Night with The Trolls -- a little tradition started back in the day. I'll post a blog about it one of these days.
7. Wikipedia-ing - I love, love, LOVE looking up inane topics, like medieval cooking processes.
8. Spacing out - other than when creating art, this is the only time my mind actually stays still.
9. Road trips - I love exploring new places and feel such a sense of accomplishment when I can follow directions.
10. Cooking -- it soothes me to no end, and I love that feeling of providing sustenance to people I love.
11. Making plans for anything - there's nothing like a good plan to make you feel successful. Now, if I can learn how to follow through on said plans.
12. Visiting museums, historic landmarks or anything else that feels like I'm reaching back through time to connect to a people or civilization.
13. Taking things apart to figure out how they work.
14. Being able to answer The Trolls' questions -- and have them pay attention to the answer.
15. Listing to The Trolls laugh -- The Monkey is going through The God Awful Puberty, so hearing him laugh is a rare blessing these days. The Nugget's laugh is ridiculously contagious, so much so that he once got an entire airport terminal laughing, just from listening to him laugh.
16. Stealing back my time - between all the have to's and shoulds, this little act of rebellion is especially necessary for my soul.
17. Singing in the car -- I sing it loud and proud.
18. Making Lists - I mentioned how my mind doesn't sit still, right? Lists make me feel safer. Weird, I know.
19. Visiting with my family - now that I live so far away from the vast majority of the nest, these visits are especially meaningful.
20. Having one of "those" conversations -- you know the ones, where you feel so very connected to the person you're talking to, and you feel like you could solve the world's problem just from that conversation alone.
21. Discovering something new to be obsessed with - like steampunk, Tim Burton art, traveling to Turkey or the app for my camera phone.
22. Early morning snuggles with The Boyfriend™ -- oh, those do my soul SO much good. I could get drunk on those snuggles.
23. The Best Friend®'s kitchen -- well, and spending time with her, too.
24. Experiencing through my olfactory sense -- food cooking, concrete after it rains, my nana's basement, the woods back home in Massachusetts. Some of my best memories are associated with scent.
25. Making a friend feel better... or at least making them smile.
26. Experiencing the world anew, through The Trolls' eyes.


I will have to add to this as I think of more things. It feels exceptionally awesome to take a moment to reflect on that which brings me joy!


Why don't y'all take a moment and make a list, too. It'll do your heart good.

I'm in love, love, LOVE with my camera phone

I may never go back to my regular camera again (OK, that's not entirely true, but I like to indulge in hyperbole from time to time. It does the soul good.)

Retro camera app photos

The Best Friend® - This will be her album cover. Fo'reals.

Dandelions. They make me happy.

Things I'm Grateful For - Part 3

As I took the picture, she said, "OH GOD! You're gonna blog about this, aren't you?"

This is The Best Friend®. This picture was taken moments after she unleashed The Bog of Eternal Stench (read: she farted) in my car. It was horrible. It stunk so bad that the cashier in the drive-thru could smell it.

The Best Friend® couldn’t stop laughing. She laughed so much, she cried. I would have laughed, but every time I uncovered my face, I could taste the fart and that’s just not a good way to start off your day. So I took this picture instead, because capturing these moments for your blog is a good way to start the day.

It’s in moments like these that I can clearly see The Best Friend® and me, both 80 years old (well, she’ll be 82): she in Depends diapers (trust me, she’ll need them), me with my boobs down to my knees. She’ll start laughing for no reason, I’ll ask her what she’s laughing about. She’ll say, “You’ll see.” And then I will see… or smell, as the case may be.

Yes. We’ll still be doing this when we’re 80 (she’ll be 82).

Because fart jokes never get old, even if they are disgusting.

Because that’s the kind of friendship we have: eternal, mildly co-dependant and comfortable – and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Today, I am grateful for moments like these, with The Best Friend®.

Things I'm Grateful For - Part 2

I finally got a good night’s sleep last night. This is due in large part to having access to “my spot."

The Boyfriend™ is fuzzy. Also, that is a tattoo of a tree. It is not a weird vein-type-thingy.

Yes, I know it’s a picture of The Boyfriend’s™ shoulder-neck-armpit area, and yes, I know that’s weird. However, when we snuggle it’s the place my head fits best without cranking my neck at an odd angle, and it’s where I can hear his heartbeat best which, without fail, puts me to sleep every single time I put my head there. The Boyfriend™ has a very rhythmic and very soothing heartbeat. Oddly enough, his heartbeat is even kind of dreamy (…and in the distance, I can hear the sound of a thousand people gagging)

It’s also the same spot where I learned to be comfortable falling asleep while snuggling with someone other than my kids for the first time in my life.

On a different-but-sorta-related note, here’s a conversation between The Boyfriend™ and me, yesterday:

(As you may remember, The Boyfriend™ was away all weekend, the bastard, which resulted in my kinda sorta missing him a little bit a lot. This how we make plans to hang out. Also, we never talk on the phone – this is all over text message)

The BFTM: Still sleepy… need coffee!

ME: I feel your pain! I was hoping that you were all rested up… but, I guess I can wait one more day. L

The BFTM: Oh, I’m rested enough to chill!!

ME: Hmmm… I think I will have to take advantage of the “rested enough” part, and invade you like Germany invaded Poland. J

The BFTM: Poland was asking for it!

ME: See? My metaphor works! Hahaha!

The BFTM: Zzzz

ME: No!! No sleepiness!! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!! I need my spot!! LOL!

The BFTM: Haha!

The BFTM: Zzzzzz

ME: You know what? You can totally sleep. I’ll just be forced to pose you in amusing positions and take pictures of you for my blog, (PS: That’s what happens when you leave me to my own devices for a whole weekend – I start my own blog).

The BFTM: You have a blog??? Well… just don’t put lipstick on me and an arrow with a note ‘insert dick here’ because that would be rude.

ME: Yes. I started a blog. J Yes, you can read it. Hell, you can even comment. But I do mention you… I even think I referred to you as “dreamy” at one point (I blame the beer*).

Can I put lipstick on you as long as I leave out the arrow?

The BFTM: Hmmm… in my sleep?

ME: I could totally do it while you were awake! Then you could choose your color!

The BFTM: Something with glitter!

ME: Oh, I’ve got you covered! Can I do eye shadow, too, or is that pushing it?

Again, I must note: how can you not love a man who is willing to let you put lipstick on him so you can post a picture of it on your blog?!

*I keep blaming the beer. This is perfectly acceptable to me.

Things I'm Grateful For - Part 1

Along with the "blogs of substance" and the updates on my life list, I also want to talk about my spiritual journey. I've had quite a few conversations with Miguelito, over the tenure of our friendship, about the nature of God, spirituality and how we can all have conversations with God (Miguelito is not frustrated with my circular conversational style, bless him. On top of being able to understand my non-linear "logic," he occasionally watches me down 12 shots of tequila, drunk text everyone in my phone book, throw up 8 of the 12 shots and then pass out on his lap. That's friendship, my friends).

Part of my journey is learning how to be grateful for what is, right now, not what I wished and wished and wished for and has finally come true. It's hard to be grateful for the here-and-now, especially when the here-and-now is rather bland or routine.It takes a fair amount of patience (which I lack) and skill (again -- something I lack) to not look forward or behind, to not focus on results and to merely be. Thankfully, the God* I know is patient with process and understands that I will most definitely fall.

Heart-shaped leaf. Photography by me

When I think about my spiritual journey and my progress on my path, my thoughts invariably turn to my friends. People like The Best Friend® and Miguelito -- the only two people who know absolutely all there is to know about me, and the only people I would trust with that knowledge. Or Adrienne, who I can still count among my friends even though we'll go literal years without speaking to one another, and who is the keeper of the closet where I hide many of my skeletons. Then there's Mischka, who's kindness and selflessness got me through the last few and very difficult months back in Massachusetts.

And all my other friends, who would forgive me for not citing them specifically in this post, because they know that I would never, ever deliberately omit them... except for right now. And only because it's too early in the morning for rambling, run-on paragraphs. Not that they aren't worthy or good enough to be written about in rambling, run-on paragraphs, but only that I am tired and under-caffeinated to write the aforementioned paragraph.

These people are my chosen family. I could no more separate myself from them (even when they beg and plead for me to just leave them the hell alone already!) than I could my children. These people are my psychic innards.

Today, I am grateful for my friends.



*I do not used the word "God" typically here. When I say "God" I mean "the He/She/It that created us all, whether it be Allah, Jesus, Krishna, Buddha or Einstein." Basically, I use "God" for conversational ease.

The Actual Life List (and last post for today... maybe... I'm making up for lack of posting yesterday. Yeah, that's it)

You’ve talked about your life list, but what’s actually on it.

Part of me wants to tell you that my life list is a private thing and I don’t need to itemize out every single thing on it. But isn’t this whole blog about my life list (among other things)? And if I’m blogging about it, and want to live my most authentic life, I should probably be candid about my list.

Disclaimer: Some items on the list will be redacted, insofar as they’re just too personal to be in such a public place.

1. Learn how to make a chevron pattern friendship bracelet. DONE
2. Make those friendship bracelets for my friends.
3. Go back to San Francisco and visit all the touristy places I missed the first time I was there.
4. Visit Seattle
5. Visit Colorado (I’m thinking Boulder)
6. Get my passport
7. Get divorced (about ½-way there… paperwork is done, etc)
8. Own an outrageous and unnecessary red dress
9. Have the fairy princess wedding of my dreams (I don’t actually have “wedding dreams,” but I’d like to have “the show.” I eloped the first time)
10. Host an adult dinner party.
11. Cook a five-course gourmet meal.
12. Eat Chinese food in bed with The Boyfriend™ (maybe even feed it to each other)
13. Be passionately kissed in the rain.
14. Travel through Europe.
15. Hike the Appalachian Trail.
16. Take a road trip whose sole purpose is to stop at every tourist trap and historic landmark along the way.
17. Go to New Orleans.
18. [Redacted – I considered leaving it, but this one is just this side of too personal]
19. Go back to college and earn my degree in something useless, like business.
20. Be recognized for my art.
21. Be a published author (specifically with books that are written and illustrated by me).
22. Make my own pottery
23. Learn how to sculpt
24. Learn how to salsa dance – for real.
25. Learn how to properly cook five French dishes (two of these are done).
26. Visit an ashram in India.
27. Visit India
28. Visit China.
29. Ride in a hot air balloon (I have a late appearing mild fear of heights, so this will kill a couple birds with one stone).
30. Visit Africa.
31. Make my own ice cream.
32. Make my own olive oil infusions.
33. Attend Burning Man.
34. Go to Macchu Picchu.
35. [Redacted – it’s in my journal, but too personal for the blog]
36. Learn how to speak Italian
37. Learn how to speak German
38. Learn how to speak Spanish
39. Own a Craftsman-style house.
40. Learn to crochet.
41. Crochet an afghan.
42. Get my nose pierced.
43. Photograph indigenous people in Africa, Burma, Sudan, Bali, and the Easter Islands.
44. Attend a drum circle.
45. Visit Tibet.
46. Ring in the New Year in Times Square.
47. Taste 50 different types of rum (I’m up to eight, so far).
48. Visit Hadrian’s Wall.
49. Visit Stonehenge.
50. Take a trapeze lesson.
51. Have truffles in Paris.
52. See the aurora borealis.
53. Learn how to process my own film.
54. Kiss the Blarney Stone.
55. Contemplate my navel – or figure out exactly what that means (I looked it up, so I know what it means. I only consider this one ½ done).
56. Go two weeks without a clock or calendar.
57. Learn how to juggle.
58. Learn how to belly dance.
59. Become a licensed massage therapist.
60. Work for Doctors without Borders.
61. Grow my own herbs from seed to plant – without killing them (I’m on attempt 2)
62. Grow my own vegetables (Thanks to The Boyfriend™ for starting this one for me)
63. Cook a meal using only the herbs and vegetables that I grow.
64. Put on my own gallery show, sell the art, and donate the proceeds to charity.
65. Make a decent living from my art, be it through gallery shows, Internet sales, etc.
66. Learn basic metal smithing.
67. Make my own metal jewelry.
68. Get a postcard from 20 different countries.
69. Take The Boyfriend™ home for Halloween (we have a trip planned for mid-October, because I happen to be going to a trade show during that time. I’m going to count this one as done, once we go and come back). Done (10/16/10)
70. Go on a [redacted] getaway weekend with The Boyfriend™ and [redacted].
71. Get an iPhone, iPad and a Macbook (yes, I’m an Apple fanboy)
72. Make my own clothing that I would actually wear in public.
73. Buy an African Violet and keep it alive.
74. Planet lavender by my front door – keep it alive.
75. Learn to ask for help – and ask for it.
76. Own and wear a traditional Indian sari.
77. Make kites from newspaper and fly them with my kids.
78. Make a fort in my living room with my kids. (DONE)
79. Have a spa and makeover day with The Best Friend®
80. Make a pinhole camera and take pictures with it.
81. Take my own breath away.
82. Quit smoking.
83. Learn how to say “kiss me” in ten languages.
84. Learn how to say “I love you” in ten languages (DONE).
85. Tell my kids I love them in ten languages.
86. Write and illustrate a childrens’ book based on my gram’s childhood. Get it published.
87. Read War and Peace – from start to finish.
88. Understand algebra.
89. Jump in puddles with my kids (DONE)
90. Learn woodworking and build my own furniture.
91. Bake my own bread (DONE)
92. Own a Chincoteague pony.
93. Find and buy a Duaflex camera (DONE)
94. To finally believe that I am, in fact, an artist.
95. Taste 100 microbrew beers.
96. Live off the grid.
97. Learn to live simply.
98. Be a bartender (I don’t know why, but the idea appeals to me).
99. Make a tutu and wear it.

100. Design and build my own web site.

101. Learn to play the violin.

102. Learn ASL.

103. Learn to play the guitar.

104. Have a dance party with my kids, in the living room.

105. Make a thousand paper cranes (I have 21 done).

106. Make an oaktag crown.

107. Learn five new origami folds.

108. Make my own ricotta cheese.

109. Make my own lip balms
110. Travel to Turkey
111. Go to a Rainbow Gathering
112. Learn how to weld.

I am nowhere near done adding to the list, but this is a good start.

I left my heart in San Francisco

Life List Goal #3 - Go back to San Francisco and do all the touristy things I couldn't do the first time I was there.

My original trip to San Francisco was for a trade show, so I didn't have a whole lot of time to really explore the city as much as I wanted to. Besides, those hills are a bitch of a walk great work out, and I believe that my hotel room at the Mark Hopkins InterContinental came with its very own siren, because I did not want to leave that bed. I still dream about that bed; it's more dreamy than The Boyfriend™. I loved that bed more than I love coffee, and y'all know how I feel about coffee.

While I didn't have a whole lot of time after the show to explore much, each place I wandered to captured my heart. San Francisco is a magical place. Which might be why The Charmed* ones hail from there.




China Town in San Francisco - 2007



*Please ignore my taste in television shows.

This is the blog post that never ends. It just goes on and on, my friends...(now try getting the song out of your head)

Despite my tendency toward flakiness, I try to be as organized as possible. I have lists (in case that wasn’t obvious), I make back up plans for my plans… basically, I’m like a girl scout with my preparedness. Then, something shiny distracts me and it all goes to hell in a hand basket. It is not in my nature to be responsible, which is why I don’t understand how I ended up the oldest child.

So, when I started this blog I decided I would take the advice of bloggers before me and prepare my blogs ahead of time, so I could rework them as necessary. Also writing them beforehand would help me so I’d stay on topic (The Boyfriend™, for instance, finds my conversational style – which tends toward the circular – aggravating at best), without veering too far off from the point of the blog.

Of course, I did warn y’all that I’d be exploring my innermost private thoughts in this very public of forums. And that the blog was about my life.

…Hell, it’s my blog, so I can talk about whatever I want. So there.

See? I’m already getting off topic.         

…Anyway…

The point is I came up with this list of topics I want to explore during the next few entries, interspersing them with updates on the progress of my life list. The Boyfriend™ is out of town this weekend on a last-minute trip with his friend and failing having any other significant plans, I decided to sit down and start banging out some of the blogs, (seriously, I’m like a kid with a new toy. I’m gonna play with this thing until it breaks – or something shinier distracts me. Whichever comes first). I started with what I presumed to be the easiest topic – The Devil – and wrote the blog. Yes, I did. In my zeal, I almost posted it.

Thankfully, my internet connection decided to suck out so y’all were spared the pure tripe that my devil blog was.

Seriously? It sucked.

I may go back to it at some point, because I think it’s an interesting topic, but right now it just sucks and I need to walk away from it. But my visit to Mediocrity-ville got me thinking about how I really need to freeform this blog. Even though I wrote the topic list down, forcing me (yes, I know. I’m forcing myself) to write about preset topics will make said topic turn into either some rather bland writing a la instruction manual or some preachy epithet with more analogies than is rational.

I’m a planner who is much better at winging it than sticking to the plan.

Did I mention that I’m a walking contradiction?

And that I write one sentence paragraphs?

So back to my point – I’m trying to bang out these blogs, because I really want to try to do at least one blog of “substance” and one about my life list updates, daily. I made a commitment to the blog world by setting this thing up and I’m trying to be one of those people who actually follows through on things. I figure if I have all these blogs pre-written then it’s only a matter of copy-and-pasting into Blogger. But if my devil blog is any indication, I’m gonna have to wing the blogs – writing of substance be damned!

Hey, a leopard can’t change its spots and I can’t fight my nature. No matter how hard I try not to be, I’m a space cadet. I want to be dependable – wait, no I don’t. Never mind.

Moving on…

So in the spirit of winging it, I’m going to answer some general questions from a couple of people who I’ve told about my blog. I’ve already answered the questions to the questioners, but I figured that my blog is just as good a forum as any to keep on talking.

What is a life list and why the hell do you keep telling me to write one?

I discovered the life list (see intro blog entry) during a point in my life when I was really grasping to find meaning in my life. On the surface, my life seemed pretty OK: I have two wacky yet great kids; The Boyfriend™ was a delightful and wonderful surprise and the relationship was (is) going well; I had a good paying, cushy job, and The Best Friend® was finally living practically right next door to me. I was also finally allowing myself to occasionally entertain the notion that I’m an artist, but still… despite all that goodness, there just seemed to be a lack.

Then I had a really great conversation with my friend Adrienne and she helped me find some clarity. Then synchronicity decided that it wasn’t done with the topic yet, and I happened upon Chookooloonk’s blog whereupon I found the life list. Needless to say, it changed my life (hyperbolic? Hardly. It’s actually quite true).

The life list is a list of things you want to do during your lifetime. It should not, as a rule, contain anything you have to do (for instance, I need to lose 20 pounds, but that’s not on my list), and should only include those things – big and small – that you want to do. You should shoot for about a hundred things you want to do (which is why the small wants can easily be included), but can be a few less or many more. It really depends on you and your dictates. Because it’s your life list – so you get to set the rules. Just try to stick with the “no shoulds” part.

Why was it life changing for me? Well, suffice it to say that I’m one of those people that, if given the choice between two things, will try to find a way to avoid having to choose between the two at any and all costs. I don’t want to miss out on anything. At all. Ever. But, holy shit! I have a list. I was clear about my goals! I had made not just one decision but over one hundred and counting. For the first time in all of the life I can remember, I said “This is what I want” and committed to it! Not just when I had to, but ahead of time!

Miraculously (to me, anyway), things started happening: opportunities started just showing up, plans came together. My shit was finally getting together and I was able to fill more and more checkboxes. Let me tell you, that is some hella motivation right there!

Why should you do one? Well, because it’s awesome feeling this successful without feeling like you’re doing much of anything except writing stuff down. And that success with the small stuff is giving me the balls to chase down the biggest of my dreams and goals, fearlessly.

OK. So you’ve talked ad nauseum about the life list – and you even carry it around with you all the time – so why blog about it?

First, I carry around my life list in my journal (which also doubles as my sketch book), to remind me to keep up the good work. I also try to do a little something every day, like planning a trip to Ireland (#54) or finding a recipe for homemade ricotta cheese (#108), and include the plans and recipes in the journal so I have a quick reference for the future. And  it feels like I’m making progress toward the goal by having the plan or recipe in place already.

I also like to keep the journal handy to write about those times when I’m just not feeling it and to give myself a more-or-less mental kick in the ass to get over it.

The blog part is a step toward Goal #100 – to have my own web site. You have to start somewhere, right? And this is just a good a place as any to do it. I also wanted to have my own space, outside of Facebook or MySpace, where I can post pictures of my latest works of art, my thoughts on current events, my life and my list. Pretty simple, really.

Most importantly, though, is that I wanted to add my voice to the others of us out there who provide inspiration and guidance for the other dream-living neophytes. Most of the blogs I’ve read to date are written by people who are already in the midst of living their dreams. I’m at the beginning – not quite living the dream yet -- and I think it’s important to share my journey from this point, rather than at a more successful time.

The added bonus is that the vast majority of my family, who I now live too far away from to see on a regular basis, can have a one stop place to check up on me. I’m considerate like that.

Do you really think people will read your blog?

I hope so. I hope they “follow” me and comment, too.

But you’re not really saying anything different from hundreds of other bloggers, so why bother?

First, I am saying something different than other bloggers – because my experience is my own. While I may be discussing similar topics, my experience makes what I say different from what others are saying about the same topic.

I bother because it’s important to me to do so. To date, I haven’t had the balls enough to think I was actually worthy of blogging about anything going in my life. As it turns out, I am worthy enough. So are you.

For the love of God, what are you going to talk about? Should I be afraid?

I think I already covered that part in my blog description and the “about me” section, but when I answered this one out loud it was to people who haven’t read my blog. Basically, I’m going to talk about my life, my list and my life list.

Should you be afraid? Only a little bit and only if you embarrass easily. I will do my best to change names, or give you cute monikers like The Boyfriend™ or The Best Friend®, but I insist on complete authority over what I will – and will not – discuss about my life on my blog.

I’m not a total idiot, though. I will exercise a modicum of discretion. I work in an industry that reminds me, daily, that what you put out on the internet will (not just “can”) come back to haunt you. There are some ghosts better left in the closet where they belong, and not out on the internet preventing you from obtaining future employment.

So what’s your end goal with this whole life list and blog stuff?

My end goal is to accomplish everything on my ever-growing life list, which, when all is said and done, are just steps to my ultimate goals of making a decent living being an artist and living off the grid. The quickest way to start making a living from my artistic endeavors is to go public.

I’m grateful for my job, but it’s not what I want to do with the rest of my life. It’s also not what I want to be doing in six years. I’m proud of what I do for a living, but it doesn’t make my soul sing. And the older I get, the louder the siren song of soul gets and I’m, frankly, too old and tired to resist it much longer.

What does The Boyfriend™ think of this blog stuff?

I don’t know because I haven’t told him about it yet. My blog is only a minute-and-a-half old, but I don’t think he’ll mind very much. In fact, if his previous actions are any indications, he’ll be incredibly supportive. I’m officially going on record as saying that, outside of my family and close friends, I have never met anyone as supportive and understanding of my dreams as he is. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful that he turned out to be more than the fling he was supposed to be, and that he keeps choosing to stick around – despite my mild craziness and hyperactive children.

Aren’t you afraid that what you say on your blog could get you in trouble?

Nope. Not really.

No, seriously. You’re in the middle of a divorce – a blog could hurt you in the long run.

The Ex isn’t all that bad and I don’t think I gave him too much to hate me for. In his own way, he was supportive of my creative efforts, too. So far, the divorce stuff has been amicable (a few hiccups notwithstanding), and we’ve been in agreement about most of the finer points. At the end of the day, we were too different and too young to do something as important as getting married. We did and we shouldn’t have, and I think we both recognize that. We got a couple of great kids out of the deal, and we had a few good years in there, but there’s really no point in making each other as unhappy as we did for as long as we did.

Long answer, short: I honestly don’t think he’ll use the blog against me.

No, SERIOUSLY. You have a fairly important job that keeps you mildly public. Couldn’t your blog draw unwanted attention and get you in trouble?

I am fortunate enough that The Bosses are also my parents. God love my parents, they’re as supportive as The Boyfriend™ of my creative endeavors. The Patere is nothing if not informational and I’ve learned quite a bit from him about taking an action down the road (as he likes to say). While I retain the right to say whatever I want on my blog, I will exercise a good deal of caution when it comes to discussing most – if not all – aspects of my job on my blog.

Besides, I spend most of my time at my job and I really don’t want to talk about it when I’m off the clock.

And if it does get me in trouble, I can always start using AdSense on here, market the hell out of myself on Facebook and MySpace, spam every one in my email contact list, and try to make a living that way.

See? I always have a back-up plan.