If I click my heels three times...

The only downside to going home for a visit is the raging homesickness that I feel for weeks afterward. Sometimes, like after my last visit, it doesn't last terribly long. Other times, it'll take weeks for it to ebb. Methinks this is one of those times where I'll be longing for home long after I've left.

Sweet Lady Gray was thoroughly doused with much love by her extended family. She also got to spend some time in the hands of the women (her great-grandmothers) who are so important to me and, hopefully, have enough life left in 'em to last long enough for her to actually remember them. I hate the thought that she might only know them through pictures.

The Trolls are still up north for an extended visit with their side of the family and I miss them terribly. I miss their noise and their smell. I even kind of miss their mess in the living room. OK, I'm lying about that last part. It's actually quite nice not having to fight with them to pick up their mess.

But on the topic of homesickness, part of me doesn't want it to go away. Part of me wants it to hang on for dear life so that the fire of my "Two Year Plan" doesn't turn into a slow burning cinder. I want the fire to rage. I want to be motivated to scrimp and save so I can get the hell out of Dodge. That's the hardest part for me. I'm such a hedonist that depriving myself of instant gratification for a long term goal is incredibly difficult. And every time I go home, I come back to Florida thinking that THIS time I'll get my shit together and save some money, but then something shiny tempts me and there goes the Massachusetts fund.

But not this time. This time I'm determined to get back home for good. No, seriously. I am. If I have to, I'll drag The Fiancee™ kicking and screaming with me, but we're going. Because who wouldn't want to be surrounded by this all the time:

My cousin, KadyRose, my Aunt Moe, The Monkey, my Aunt Kathy, and the Nugget at Mt. Tom Ice Cream

Sweet Lady Gray enjoying real grass while watching her brothers play wiffleball. Notice her monkey toes?

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with!"

I need to buy a new coffee maker and other Sunday thoughts

My house is very quiet at the moment. The trolls are with The Ex, The Boyfriend™ is sleeping off the weekend's busyness, and the whole of the world seems very quiet at the moment. In the perfectness of the quiet and temperature of the air, I miss home a bit more than usual right now. Sundays have that effect on me.

Tomorrow, we find out if the Lima Bean will cooperate enough to let us know if she or he is a she or he. The Boyfriend™ will get his first glimpse of his child and get to hear his or her heartbeat live, rather than the recorded version he's heard so far. I'm beyond excited to begin calling this little one by either of the names we've chosen, and to start properly preparing for him or her.

I'll keep you posted and, perhaps, post a picture here for you.

And then I finally remembered that I don't own a Canon

After three attempts to order a new USB cable for my camera, so I could make with the picture goodness up on here, I finally got the right one. I would lock the cable in a safe or something, but I'd probably just forget what the combination was. Also: it took my a solid 20 seconds to remember the word "combination" (I kept wanting to call it a password).

SO! I finally have pictures for you from my last two visits home. I didn't take nearly as many as I thought I had and, for that, I am very sad. But that's just all the more reason to get my touchis back to Massachusetts -- for good -- so I don't need to take pictures; I'll already be living there.

This is my Uncle. The Trolls call him Gus. I love him so!

The beautiful Connecticut River

Roasting weenies on the campfire

The Trolls, hiking through the creek

SOOC -- mossy rocks and roots

The Boyfriend™ contemplating... the dog, I think?

Barton's Cove, wherein we hunted for dinosaur foot prints

The farm down the road from my nana's. I want some version.

I love these shelves. They're in my Gram's house

The back of downtown Northampton

Really -- there's no place like home. I can't wait to get back there for good!

It's really difficult to get into Halloween when it's 90 degrees out

The Nugget and I went costume shopping Friday night. He really wanted to be a wrestler, but I vetoed the idea because that muscle suit? It's practically a snow suit and he won't make it very far sweating his touchis off. Now he's going to be a reaper... And only wear a t-shit and shorts underneath.

Being from Massachusetts, we dress for Halloween in layers - because we never know how cold it's going to be. Some years it's mild, other years it's snowing. I can only remember one Halloween EVER being warm enough to warrant only the meagerest of undergarments; there were quite a few when we needed jackets over our costumes.

In Florida, you pick your costume assuming that it will be hot out. More often than not, you see kids in just masks and in their regular clothes, because anything else would be excruciating. It's bad enough having to walk down street after street of darkened houses, only come to home to find that half your Halloween haul is Jack Chick tracts and pleas to turn away from Satan and turn to Christ; but to have to sweat to get it? That's GITMO level torture.

Halloween and a TRUE autumn are some of the things I miss the most living in Florida. While there's something to be said for being able to comfortably swim in the middle of October (and November... And December), it doesn't make up for the lamentable lack of crisp autumn air and neighbors doling out candy. Halloween marked the beginning of a busy holiday season, days growing shorter and family togetherness. One's internal clock was set by the changing of the seasons: summer clothes swapped out for fall, holiday shopping and meal planning. You don't need a calendar in the north; you can tell the season by the air.

It occurs to me that the trolls need a real Halloween. And as much as I want to get them home now, at least for a visit, it's more important to toil and save to get home for good. I need to work my ass off. I need to make this happen.

One week later

I went home for a too brief visit last week, to go to my paternal grandmother's (Dottie) family reunion. It was ridiculously good to be home, among family. I was spoiled rotten and catered to - because the LaBarge/Newman/Miller clan believe that pregnant women need to be spoiled. It's no wonder there are so many of us - a girl could get used to that kind of treatment.

My aunt Kathy and I compared many notes about our lives, likes and dislikes. We talked about family. We talked about friends. There was a good deal of sharing - even in the inconsequential stuff. Our bonds were reaffirmed and I felt validated. Here in the Sunshine state, I often get called crazy for loving the rain and complaining about all the sun. As it turns out, that's a family trait.

When Sunday rolled around, and it was time for me to head for points South, I didn't cry, which surprised me (because these days, I cry about everything). I felt more resolved to get home for good. WhenI walked in the door to a sleeping boyfriend and trolls, I was glad for those still packed boxes. We'll move those out to the garage for now, and keep them packed. It's stuff we want to keep, but nothing we're going to need in The next couple of years.

One week later, I miss home utterly. It's taking a great deal of strength not to huddle in a ball and cry about wanting to go home. I have to remind myself that there is work to be done here first. The necessary tilling and planting is happening now, so the harvest of home will await us in just a couple of short years. But I'm impatient and I want it NOW. But going home prepared for that first winter of obscene heating bills, with a nest egg socked away in case employment doesn't happen right away, will make everything better. I don't want to start the way I left home - sort of running away from a daily struggle to keep the lights on and feed the trolls.

I also have to remember to keep the hopes small, in terms of what I want when I get home. Ideally, I want a homestead that we can farm. I want self-resiliency and family under foot. But the monkey will be 15 and less likely to want to be underfoot. The nugget will be 12 and trailing his brother. A homestead may only happen with Lima Bean under foot and the trolls off on their own adventures - but I'm really OK with that. We'll be close to the large nest of family.

In the mean time, my dear friend Meeshka is working on getting her hand crafted pieces into shops around the area. I'm trying to convince her that we should go into business together. I would love nothing more than to have an established business to go home with (and to).

One week later and I am resolved. We WILL be home and soon, and all of this work of planting will bring a mighty harvest.

Scallion Pancakes

I've been far away from this space as of late. Too far and too long away, I think. There's been so much life happening these days, that it's been difficult for me to find a few moments in which to gather my thoughts - which have been even more disjointed than usual.

Let's start with some updates:

We are officially moved into our new digs now, but still unearthing ourselves from a mountain of boxes. I'm afraid I haven't been much help with the moving effort because...

The Boyfriend™ and I are expecting our first child together. I must say, there's a world of difference between being pregnant at 24 and being pregnant at 34. I am tired. All the time. I don't remember being this tired with either of the trolls. Lima Bean (as we refer to "her") is due in very late March. I'm hoping, since I have to have another c-section anyway, that the doc can deliver "her" on March 29th - my Grammie's birthday.

In case you didn't notice, I have a feeling (or maybe it's an over inflated sense of wishful thinking) that this one is a girl. Or maybe it's because I desperately need more estrogen in the house, since I'm sorely out numbered in that regard.

That's really it, in terms of big life announcements, but I guess that's plenty. So let's move onto thoughts:

I miss my daily yoga routine and really need to get back into that. I definitely had more energy when I was practicing regularly and didn't feel nearly so out of sorts. There's a focus when you're on the mat and a necessary calmness that happens. I need that calm... Especially for the Lima Bean.

I am so thrilled that the trolls are thrilled about becoming big brothers (again, in The Monkey's case). The Monkey and I have been having marvelously candid conversations about the nature of relationships, life, love and everything in between. He's one cool kid that one is.

I miss home so desperately still. I've realized that my sort of constant general malaise is not so much that as a constant state of homesickness. I miss home. Even Lima Bean misses home... Or so says I (my food cravings are all for things that I can only seem to find back home).

The new house still doesn't feel like a home yet. I think this is due in large part to still feeling like my folks' place, and the rest owing to the fact that I detest the town I live in. I was never so grateful to move out of it - and now I find myself back in it. I'm a bit grateful for this though, since it'll keep the fire stoked to get out of here and move back home.

The Two Year Plan is still very much in motion. Don't you fret about that.

I need, need, NEED to get back into my studio. I miss it with a fierceness. I hope to unearth it tomorrow.

Scallion pancakes a delicious. Just saying.

 

The Two Year Plan -- Updates

So, The Best Friend wanted to know what was going on with The Two Year Plan. It occurred to me that the best way to answer her was in a blog post, so I can, y'know, update y'all too.

Here's what's going on, in list form. Cuz it's late, I'm starting to get tired and lists are just easier:

1) The Two Year Plan is still in effect.

2) The Boyfriend™ has extended the deadline of the plan. Mostly, I think, because he's a chickenshit. :P He's saying five years. I'm saying it'll be two years... from now.

3) The parents, in their awesomeness, are selling us their old house in a kind of owner-financed situation. The Nancarita is doing this to set us up to have a nice nest egg to move home with. But this means that...

4) The Boyfriend™ is right; it's going to take us a bit longer to get home.

5) Mostly because we're both procrastinators of the first order and it's going to take a bit to get our acts together, credit-wise.

6) Because we're moving to a new house, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to move again in a year. Well, I guess it kind of does, but I really hate living out of boxes. Which is what I'm doing now. Which is also why I haven't packed more.

7) I may have been overly-optimistic in my whole grand scheme. I want to go home, fo sho, but I also have a whole lot of stuff I want to do here, too... well, around here. There's something to be said for being within driving distance of New Orleans.

8) Frankly, I have bigger fish to fry at the mo'. Which is the whole "stuff I want to do around here" point. I have a creative biz I want to get off the ground. The market here isn't saturated with the work I do, but it is saturated back home. Sales 101: don't try to be successful in a market that already has a bunch of successful people in it... doing the exact same thing.

9) And this is the big one: wherever you go, there you are. It doesn't matter if I live here, home or Timbuktu. If I'm not happy here, I won't be happy at home. Well, that's not entirely true -- I'll be less unhappy back home because it's, y'know, home. But I think the lesson I need to learn in all of this living in a state I actively loathe is that I need to find peace and happiness within myself before I go running back home.

10) I'm willing to accept that I may end up staying here, but only if it's what feels right. At the moment, staying in Florida doesn't feel right. But I may develop Stockholm syndrome. You never know.

So there are the updates. Life keeps on happening and I keep going with the flow. But I'll say this: there are moments when you need to sit back and wait for things to happen in their own time, and there are other moments that you need to seize by the short and curlies and make them your bitch. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference. I'm at a point where there are a whole bunch of roads opening up to me; a whole lot of opportunities that I need to chase down for all they're worth. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that the move back home is probably one of those things I need to let happen in its own time. But only because I need to make some other moments my bitch.

This is going to get complicated. Maybe. I hope not. OK, it totally will.

And I'm not at all talking about this blog post. Or the blog title which, frankly, was really fucking cumbersome.

But in other news, half my street has no power because a transformer blew because, apparently, transformers can only take so much "being under water" before they go kaput. Why was the transformer under water? Because I'm currently sitting in a tropical storm. OK, I'm not actually in the tropical storm (I'm sitting in my house), but the Tampa Bay area is getting its ass kicked by a bitch named Debby.

Which is, ironically, my boss's name though not spelled the same way.

So, half of the county I live in is currently under evacuation orders. Driving north, south, east or west is a bitch and an exercise in "don't get pulled into a sinkhole" because, apparently, I live in the Sinkhole Capital of the World.

Because Florida sucks.

Which is why I'm going home for a week-long visit next week. YAY!

In the interest of saving money on a hotel (because, at the time, I was told that my one aunt (who I usually stay with when I come home) was selling her house and staying with the other aunt 'til she, the first aunt, found a house she liked), we're going camping. Which makes me happy to no end. The Boyfriend™ is afraid that we're going to get eaten by bears. I had to explain to him that it's not the bears you have to worry about; it's the mountain lions (and no, I'm not being cute. That's actually true). Frankly, I'm worried about the ticks. This will also be The Trolls first camping adventure.

So far, all we have is a tent. So I just ordered a bunch of "camping supplies" and am having the shipped to my nana, for us to pick up when we get to Massachusetts. Of course, my nana doesn't know this yet. I'll have to try to remember to call her tomorrow to let her know to expect a big-ass box on Friday.

I just hope that I got all the right stuff, otherwise I'm going to have to go spend more money on more camping stuff that we probably won't use again until next year. Why? Because Florida sucks and nobody wants to go camping in 98-degree heat (with 1000% humidity).

But... I'm GOING HOME! And that's the most important part. I'm so excited, I might just pee my pants! I am going to absorb as much grandmother love as I can possibly contain and whatever I can't contain, I'm going to put in tupperware for later. And I'll get some Troll time. And we'll have some family togetherness time which will light a fire under our asses to move back  home.

So, yeah. It's gonna be complicated. In a phenomenally good way!

David Tennat is my favorite Doctor -- otherwise known as The Reason I Accomplished Nothing this Weekend

subtitled: the longest blog title in the history of blogging.

Go me!

The Boyfriend™ and I moved the unused Wii into our bedroom this weekend (because we needed another non-sexual reason to not leave that room) for the sole purpose of having Date Night on the big bed while watching all manner of silliness on Netflix.

One trip to Wal-Mart for a new sensor bar and four hours later, date night was long past and The Boyfriend™ and I were queuing up Dr. Who (the 2005 version). Suffice it to say, we got nothing done yesterday because we were too busy catching up on the last seven years of Doctors nine and ten.

I have such fond memories of Dr. Who. I vividly recall watching Doctors 2 through 5 from the fort I made out of bed sheets and my nana's dining table. Parts of the show were scary to my young brain, but mostly I was fascinated by it all. I was sad when the series ended, but moved on eventually, in the way only children and The Ex can do. But the spark of love for all things Dr. Who and English was ignited and never died out.

So I was absolutely thrilled to accomplish nothing while spending all day in bed with my loves: The Boyfriend™ and David Tennant who, because I'm weird like that, makes my "Top Ten List of Men The Boyfriend™ Has to Let Me Sleep With if the Opportunity Ever Presents Itself":

Here's the official list, in case you were wondering:

1) Jason Varitek (I will marry that man. He just doesn't know it yet)
2) Johnny Depp (who doesn't love him?)
3) Chris Eccleston circa "Elizabeth" (he was one smoking villain, lemme tell you)
4) Neil Gaiman (don't judge)
5) Gordon Ramsey (seriously...)
6) Sully Erna
7) David Tennant
8) My high school British Writers teacher, Mr. Waters

I'm still keeping options nine and ten open at the mo'. Mostly because it's late, I'm tired and I have this wretched book about cooking I'm working on looming menacingly on the other screen.

Which leads me to the other ramble: writing. I seriously admire anyone who can muster up the sheer force of will to pay attention to a project long enough to produce a book. I have only about eighteen pages written (it's probably about 36 pages as it stands, but I haven't included the photographs in it yet -- mostly because I don't feel like cooking all that food right now). And while the subject matter is one that, in theory, should be easy enough for me to bang out, I'm getting bored of it.

And that's the problem, really. It's not so much that I don't know what to say or can't maintain the funny long enough, it's that I grow bored with cups of this and teaspoons of that. But I promised myself and my gram that I would finish one of these blasted books at some point and since the children's book is on sabbatical until I can figure out what to do about Tuesday, I have to focus on the cook book. 


It's times like these that I wish I was a little less ADD and a little more practical. But maybe all writers are like this? Who knows -- I don't know many writers. I just know that when my mom wrote her book, she was single minded in her focus. The Boyfriend™ has exhibited a similar sort of madness in just the edits of his book. So I suppose that writers do have ADD -- the hyperfocus part of it, anyway.

It doesn't help that the computer desk is smack dab in the middle of the house. Which is just another reason that I need a Macbook -- so I can run away and work on my book(s) in peace.

When I'm not glued to Dr. Who, that is.

Edit: Thank you, The Bloggess for reminding me that #9 on my list is Simon Pegg... God how I love that daft English man and his goofiness.

Edit #2: The number 10 spot goes to Christian Bale. And I'm done.

Being productive is difficult when the TV is on all the time. Just sayin'

So... as part of our New Year plan, The Boyfriend™ and I decided that The Trolls needed more structure by way of a weekly chore list. A chore list can seem rather daunting to even the most clean-freakish of a child, when there's a pile of stuff getting in the way of the thing you need to clean.

Did I mention that The Boyfriend™ and I are packrats? He won't admit it, but he is.

So, part two of our grand plan involved busting butt this weekend and completely organizing the house from top to bottom -- putting away Christmas stuff, putting the baskets and basket and baskets of laundry away (doing some laundry) and other general organization. Especially in our bedroom, which is just a godawful mess. No, seriously. It's bad in there. I think I picked up this trait from The Nancarita, who uses her bedroom as a catchall for the stuff she doesn't want in the rest of her house.

As you can see, I'm not making it very far in the whole cleaning endeavor. Part of it is because I'm wicked tired and just want to be in bed, but the bulk of it is because I'm constantly being distracted by one of the four million TVs that are constantly on in the house.

Before The Trolls and I moved in with The Boyfriend™ we didn't have cable. I liked it that way. TV time was limited to one DVD (usually of the educational variety), which was usually on in the background, because we'd seen it so many times that we didn't want to watch it. Once we moved in with The Boyfriend™, we had cable again and, despite my best efforts NOT to, have become hugely addicted to it. The Boyfriend™ is still worse about it, though. Turns it on first thing in the morning, as soon as he wakes up, and it doesn't go off until I turn it off after he's fallen asleep.

TV kills motivation. It kills intention. It kills thought and imagination. It kills attention. TV, in my opinion, is directly responsible for the demise of civilization. Some of the greatest innovations happened pre-TV... and we were certainly healthier before TV was part of our daily lives.

I'm starting an initiative here, at home, and I hope you'll join me -- less TV and more reality. I'm going to have to be subtle about it, because kicking an addiction is hard work, but it'll be worth it

A sneak peak...

I'm introducing a new line of fun rings, bracelets, earrings and barretts to the etsy shop (not that I had an official line to begin with, but still)

I'm so excited!

These are the first batch of rings... Definitely steam. Definitely girly. A perfect cocktail ring or just something fun to dress up an otherwise drab corporate wardrobe (I plan on wearing one tomorrow).

Stay tuned for more updates!

It's growing!

The Sam & Sady shop is expanding!

Feeling a little inspired (and bored... let's not forget bored), and home with a sick Nugget, I decided to put together some more products for the shop. But what to put together when the ole sewing machine is on the fritz (and I can't make some kick ass fabric bracelets)? Why earrings, of course!

These are available at the shop: samandsady.etsy.com

The photography is definitely lacking on the product pics. I know this, but would rather put up over exposed and shadowy pics than wait until I can get my white box back in order (and the proper lighting for it).

I'll be getting more products up in the coming days -- especially some fun, funky rings and, perhaps, more earrings. More resin pendants will be produced, too, because I am totally vibing on the resin these days (I even repurposed a ring, whose stone had fallen out with some resin and glitter paper).

More advertising will be coming shortly -- once the shop is expanded enough to warrant it. Right now, with only nine items on there, it hardly seems worth the effort of overcoming my stage fright and abnormally high fear of rejection.

And on the Other Artistic Endeavors front, the mojo is still there. I've got a good creative vibe going and the muse has been incredibly kind (what to get her for Christmas, I wonder). I have a couple of more things I want to tie up -- original art-wise -- and then it's on to crafty stuff.

Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale they say...

I've got my "White Christmas" Pandora music station playing -- and I'm really starting to get into this whole Christmas vibe. I'm pretty sure that I can ride this Christmas spirit thing right on into the new year (God willing and the river don't rise).

I've already started elving, even. I started now in high hopes that I won't panic myself into grinch-mode. My desire to make or find the just right perfect gift for absolutely everyone often leaves me over stretched, over budget and over cranky. Not this year! This year, the elving starts early and I've plotted and planned so I won't go over budget!

Ignore the wall -- I'll explain why in a bit. But for the girls: homemade organic bath goodness!

For my Nana and Gram respectively. Hand drawn love.

And now for the "why my kitchen is destroyed". Well, it's kind of simple and convoluted. The Boyfriend™ has a friend at work whose girlfriend is making him replace his nearly-new kitchen appliances with stainless steal stuff. This is a boon for our house because it means we get new appliances! So, The Boyfriend™ trying to be all proactive and stuff decided to start taking out appliances that we're not going to be using between now and next week. One thing led to another, add a whole heap of boredom (and a Troll-free weekend), and he was tearing up and tearing down tile. So... yyyeah... we'll be living in a demolition zone for a while. Well, at least in the kitchen.

Our version of Christmas decorating.

But seriously! I'm stoked about the potential of getting rid of this circa-1972 style kitchen and getting some modernization up in this bitch. If for no other reason than it'll increase the resell value on the house -- which will get us to Massachusetts sooner, rather than later.

And now for the BIG BIG announcement!

I finally got off my ass and posted some stuff on the etsy shop! Holy shit, right?! The pickings are slim, but it's a start -- and just in time for Christmas! Go! Go forth and check it out. Buy some stuff if you want! http://www.etsy.com/shop/SamandSady

Fall Behind...And Other Double Entrendes

My, oh my has it been a while since I graced the interwebs with my blogging presence. It's been crazy, here in the Land of S. So much going on, most of it having nothing at all to do with my plans, ambitions, life lists or The Two Year Plan.

My day job moved into its new corporate headquarters. Because I hold a position of some importance (read: I'm salaried. In other words, free labor), thems of us with a rather important title were put to work for most of the weekends in October.

As ill humored and ungrateful as I sound, I'm actually quite pleased with the move. The new location shaves 20 minutes off of my commute home each day which, when you add it all together, gives me back a WHOLE DAY in three months. That may not seem like a lot to most people, but 20 minutes a day means the difference between my feeling harried and harassed when I get home, and my being able to relax and be a sane human being for the remainder of our waking hours at the homestead.

So, I've been plumb worn out with not a whole lot to give toward artistic (and other) endeavors. I DID manage to find enough stamina to make The Boyfriend™'s life rather hellish for a few days. But that's why he loves me -- for the particular brand of craziness I bring to the relationship.

Yesterday was the end of daylight savings time and a return to the normal cycle of light and dark. In theory, I understand the necessity of daylight savings time, but I equate it to communism: great on paper; horrible in practice. But with the return of the regular cycle, my body has found its rhythm again. How I love these shorter days and the call to hurry up and get ready to hunker down for the really short days. My DNA reaches back through time to a place where people busied themselves with canning and preparing and readying for long, cold winters. Since I'm a New England girl, that hard coding in the DNA, despite modern conveniences, is still a very important survival instinct. Prepare. Get ready. Don't waste the daylight, for there won't be much soon.

...I spent the goodly portion of yesterday in the kitchen, hacking up veggies for soups, chicken for stock and my poor middle finger. This particular finger has taken quite the beating lately. 

...I wish I hadn't let my second attempt at a kitchen garden go to pot. Though, now that the weather's cooling off considerably, perhaps I should make another go at growing potatoes. Potatoes, as it turns out, are finicky beasts, who prefer colder climes and steadfastly refuse to grow in tropical locales, such as Florida.

And lest I go one blog post following a singular train of thought, off to other topics...

The Two Year Plan, while still in effect, has been delayed. Mostly because The Boyfriend™ suck at follow through. Yet another reason we're perfect for each other -- neither of us minds when the other one gets distracted by something shiny; likely because the other was already distracted by some other, different shiny thing. So, it's go time effective January 1st. So, it's only a four month delay, but, I think, a necessary one. Had to get the crap behavior out of our collective system.

The Boyfriend™ also got it into his craw that web pages of the real sort be procured, FEINs applied for and gotten, and businesses of all varieties fermenting and readying themselves for take off. It kept him distract for a week or two. But I am now the proud owner of "Sam and Sady -- Enterprising Enterprises", which I will be combining with the as-yet-developed Etsy store -- and my web page (which I need to go develop some). With Christmas just around the corner (EEK!), it's prime craft making time. Between the developing of the Etsy store and this blog post, I've given the shop some thought. While I want to include a bunch of handmade goods, I also want a place where my less graff-leaning, naked lady art can be viewed and displayed.

Speaking of graff -- The Boyfriend™ in all of his loveliness got me an airbrush! The heretofore partially closed door of stencil art has been reopened with his gesture! He thinks I'm not thrilled. He is sadly mistaken.

And speaking of all of that, I must away myself to the land of art and airbrushes. I promised myself I'd get this stencil cut out and do some airbrush work tonight. While the longer hours make this night owl exceedingly happy, I do have a day job and Trolls to get to school way too early in the morning.

I promise: more posts very soon -- including the long promised Fearlessly Phobic Corn Chowder.

In the mean time, I wish you all the very best of everything your heart desires!

Namaste

Full Moon, Front Porch and Musing

The Fair just passed in my neck of the woods, in Massachusetts. I miss it. I miss the roundhouse full of kitschy folk art, pies, and the largest produce a man can grow. I miss the livestock pens. I miss the rides and fair fries. I miss the annual parade that announces the fair's beginning - and the unofficial beginning of Fall.

I miss FALL. I miss the chilly nights, the foggy mornings, the three layers of clothing required (so you can peel it off as the day progresses). I miss the going in that happens as a natural response to the changing season - readying yourself for the upcoming winter. I miss the smell of leaves and chimney smoke. I miss the changing colors of the mountains. I miss a REAL Halloween.

If it wasn't obvious, I miss home. The urgency to get back there had sort of waned the last couple of months. Once The Trolls came back from their visit, I got wrapped up in trying to reacclimatize to their rhythm, while trying to maintain focus on The Two Year plan, and fell behind a bit. I got a little lost in the what's happening now and less focused on the where I want to go.

But more and more, I feel the pull back home. The NEED to be with My People is strong. The need for my children to be raised in a nurturing, like-minded community is imperative. I need to feel like a part of a community again- even if it drives me nuts that everyone knows everything all the time. You can't wipe your ass without your phone ringing so your neighbor can ask you what you had for dinner. I ran to Florida, among other reasons, to escape from that, but now I would give anything to have it again.

I need to buckle down and focus. It's likely that I over committed myself to too many things, in an effort to get back home quicker. But I think if I simplify and focus on one or two very do-able things, I'll get to where I want to go. Slow and steady wins the race, after all.

To Do by October 13:
1) Get Products up on etsy
2) Fix sewing machines so they work properly so I can have more inventory on hand.
3) Devote Sundays to cooking for the week, so I have more time. :)
4) Start advertising etsy shop.

Speaking of advertising, I'm still toting with the idea of shutting down my Facebook page. It seems unnecessary and chaos creating. But social media is where it's at these days, and a good place to advertise the etsy shop. Decisions, decisions.

In the mean time, I am going to go do some research on a topic that I'm going to keep close to the vest right now. If/when it starts coming to fruition, I'll let you know. Make that item number five on my to do list.

A Moment of Gratitude While Sitting on My Front Porch

Today was a particularly exhausting day, but not for the usual reasons. I'm on day three of my moon cycle - and this day is usually heinous. My body is worn out and demands rest on this day of the cycle, and the best thing I can do is honor that demand. Resistance is futile.

It was also open house at The Nugget's school tonight. I met his teacher and am ever so excited about the year for him, knowing that he has a compassionate teacher who is in it for the love of teaching. So far, I've heard nothing but positively glowing statements about her methods, her classroom, and about HER. I admired the way that she gently, but firmly, established her "alpha" role with The Nugget - even while I was standing there. It was a moment of cooperative "parenting," and put me even more at ease.

I have tomorrow off from work and am looking forward to the long weekend with The Trolls and The Boyfriend™ before school starts. While filled with a bit of here and there, it's also an opportunity for us to batten down the hatches and gear up for the school year. In anticipation of the chaos, I've gone a bit off the deep end and implemented a by-the-hour school week schedule, in an effort to not only mitigate that chaos but allow more structure and being present for each other, as a family.

Being present is something I am even more acutely aware of these days. Our trip to Massachusetts planted the seed and a startling wake up call, by way of The Monkey's report card, fertilized the roots. My children suffered for a lack of my being truly present for them. *I* suffered for a lack of being truly present. My relationship with The Boyfriend™ suffers from that lack, too, as well as a lack of listening. And while it will be an uphill battle to undo the damage wrought by my ignorance, I am grateful that I had this epiphany in time to fix it.

There are certain things that I wish I had the luxury of: homeschooling The Trolls, making a living from my art, so I can stay home and not be beholden to the clock. But being present and aware of that desire to simplify allows me to give more purpose to my days, because I am working toward that goal. Building the foundation for the realization of my dreams, by researching homeschooling, sustainable living, how to make my etsy shop successful, homes and land for sale in New England, will allow me to have EXACTLY what I want, rather than some facsimile thereof. So, in a way (and as frustrating as it is), I am grateful for the interlude between now and THEN - when I've achieved my goals - and here and THERE, so that the foundation I build is solid. So that I learn to breathe and be present. So that I walk this path with mindfulness.

Between here and there, and now and then, I can create memories and traditions. Memories of paths explored during the remaining time in Florida, to take with us and give us something to reminisce about during those long winter nights in New England. Traditions that can translate to whatever home we're in. Habits and guidelines to sustain us as we transition from one cycle of our lives together.

The last - and I think the most important - thing I am grateful for tonight is the realization that it's not too late. Time has a funny way of speeding by, but I have the power to slow it down. I have the power to stopnthe clock, if necessary, to give myself a couple more seconds here or there to make sure that I am not late. And as long as I am moving forward toward the realization of my dreams, then there is no such thing as too late.

Where are my ruby slippers??

Sometimes I'm thoroughly convinced that Facebook is the devil. It has ruined relationships, friendships and probably has contributed to a great deal of really phenomenally low self-esteem in many people. I'm half tempted to cancel my account, but Facebook is how I stay in touch with family and friends back home. Which is currently why I think Facebook is the devil.

Last night, back home, they slept with the AC off and the windows open. Here, it's still 84-degrees out at 11 o'clock at night. Back home, they're gearing up for the county fairs next month. Here, I can't even garden because it's too miserably hot during the day. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that here is not THERE and I want to be there. I miss home deeply right now. I'm homesick in a way that I haven't been in five years or more.

I mean, I am quite literally ANGRY at myself for having moved to Florida in the first place. Logically, I know it was the right decision at the time and all, but emotionally, I'm kicking my ass for it. now I know why so many people back home stay there - there's no earthly reason to move - unless you're an idiot or something. Which, I am. Apparently.

This soul deep longing to return to my roots is further proof that I need to get off my ass and get working on getting home. For good. The Boyfriend™ is even feeling repressed and stifled here, too, and he's FROM here.

I take a great deal of comfort in knowing I can get there - and will - even if it'll take some time. I'm incredibly impatient though, and don't want to wait. It sucks this waiting stuff.

Meh...

Today, my friends, is the prime reason behind exactly why I had to tell you about my two year plan. Because I needed to put it out there... To call myself to the mattresses... And make sure I actually follow through with it. Because I'm great with ideas! Follow through... Not so much.

I mean, seriously, when God was handing out the ability-to-see-something-through-to-the-end gene, He either totally skipped over me or He gave me so much damn ADD gene that it negated my ability to follow through with just about everything. Unless I can do something immediatelyrightthissecond, I'll lose interest. Actually, not interest - the sheer magnitude of guilt I feel tells me I'm still interested in the idea - I lose the desire to keep doing it. No...that's not it, either. I'm just damn lazy sometimes.

How the hell do you get past A Herculean sized desire to sit on the couch and do nothing all day??

As I mentioned before, it's the day-to-day details that move me forward toward success. But, really... Right now, I don't feel like dealing with details. Right now, I just want to go to bed. But right now, I'm so sleep deprived that I know I won't get up early enough to take care of the details in the morning. So I'm trying to talk myself into taking care if all of it tonight. I know I'll feel better if I do, but I just don't want to. Talk myself into taking care of the bullshit, that is. Of course I want to feel better.

And I'm only ten days into this plan. Sweet lord! How am I going to make it through
another...whatever 365 plus 355 days equals?!

Ok...I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go pack my lunch and get my vitamins ready. And shave my legs.


Maybe....

The Two Year Plan...Ssshh I'm not supposed to talk about it.

My first instinct is not to say anything about The Two Year Plan, lest Injinx it somehow, but upon further consideration, if I don't say anything, I'm likely to just keep it a plan and not do anything about it.

I'll get to the plan in a moment...

My head is spinning right now, so I can't sleep at all. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and there is absolutely so much I have to do, in such a short period of time. Fortunately, The Trolls are still in Massachusetts for the next few weeks, so I'll be able to commit to linger hours at work, which will help. But still...nothing like leaving paradise to come back to the gauntlet. Jeez Louise...

This past week was magical, even if nit terribly exciting. I feel like The Boyfriend™ and I connected on a really solid level. We spent some real quality time with The Trolls, creating good, happy memories for us all. You can't put a price on that.

Even though I didn't have near enough time to see all of my family or most of my friends, the time I did spend with family was solid and good. I feel grounded and whole again. The Boyfriend™ got to connect with my family and glean a greater understanding about why I am the way I am (which, I think went a great deal toward helping connect us).

The air was breathable; the river clear and crisp. I got a good fix of rainy weather, which I have been so desperately missing in Florida, where we are currently experiencing drought-like conditions.

There were ghosts and burnt popcorn. There was one bleeding head. There was peeling skin and picnics on the grass. There was a bedroom campout. There was love and laughter and joy.

I am not ready to leave that behind. So, I won't. Which brings me to The Two Year Plan.

Over the course of the next two years, The Boyfriend™ and I will be scaling back the excess in our lives to scrimp and save every penny toward moving to Massachusetts (back to, for me). It's going to require a phenomenal effort on our parts, considering that I especially have the attention span of a fruit fly, but the benefits will be worth it. By August 30, 2013, if all goes according to plan, we should have about $24,000 saved up, which will be a nice nest egg to start our new life. Here's how it will work.

There are certain fixed household expenses, not counting groceries, daycare, cell phone bills,etc. We're each going to maintain our private bills separately. Fixed bills are about $1000 a month, total, or $500 each. Not a lot, when you get down to it.

We're each going to set aside, in the joint account, another $500 per month, each. This chunk will go into savings where we'll promptly forget about it and let it accrue some interest.

The Boyfriend™ wants to buy a house up there, but I'm more of a renter. We'll have to see how this one pans out, but the ultimate goal is to have a solid chunk of change for a down payment on a fixer upper that we can make our own. The Boyfriend™ currently owns the house we're living in now, so we may hold onto it as a rental property so he, at least, has an exit strategy.

There are a lot of other small details that are going into this plan, such as cleaning up old, existing debts, and making sure that we're planning meals before we grocery shop, so we don't go overboard - and I'll spare you the rest - but, the nitty gritty is what, ultimately, will help us stay focused and on target.

In the mean time, I'm trying to equally realize that much of this is post-vacation syndrome, but also realizing that my excitement has more to do with this being something I really, REALLY want to do (and it's on my life list, no less), and wanting to keep the momentum of my post-vacation syndrome going to propel me toward success.

I expect that there will be hurdles on my way, namely unforeseen expenses, or unplanned trips to the ER, but I will NOT let those get in the way or get me down.

The funny thing is, though, The Universe seems to be pointing us in this direction, anyway, from my Kabbalah tune ups, to my TUT messages, to my horoscope...everything is saying DO IT. And whe. the Universe speaks, it's wise to listen.

Keep the positive thoughts flowing, my lovelies. I'll need all the encouragement, focus, love and support I can get.