A new year and new resolutions -- 12 Things Edition

Ah yes. It's a fresh year. It feels good, this clean slate. For several months now, I've been processing changes. For me, it takes a great deal of time to process any kind of change because, for so many years, I simply didn't like change and would avoid it at any cost. Now, I kind of dig change, but I'm a stubborn so and so, and won't readily admit when habits of mine need to go away.

Usually the pattern goes like this (it's almost always in conversation form)

Me: Yeah, it's really rather selfish of me to keep buying so many books. I haven't finished the last 20 I bought.
Brain: But you work hard and take care of your family. You deserve a treat.
Me: Do I need a treat every single week?! Amazon hasn't charged me my annual prime fee, I spend so much on there!
Brain: See! You're saving money!
Me: No I'm not!
Brain: No, really. You are. Jeff Bezos might send you a Christmas card.
Me: Really? You think so?
Brain: You're one of his best customers. I'm sure he will.
Me: That would be SO COOL. (clicks "add to cart")
Brain: (look of smug satisfaction)

Lather, rinse, repeat until I start leaving my debit card at home and change my Paypal password to something I can't remember. Ever.

So, for all of cyberspace, I am putting my resolutions out there. I expect you to hold me accountable, Interwebs -- all five of you who might read my blog.

1) Cliched as it is: to lose weight. I have set a goal of four pounds a month for a year. That's 48 pounds that I want to lose by this time next year. 12 pounds off what I really need to lose in order to be at my weight when I got pregnant with the monkey. Which was still a good 20 pounds off from what I need to weigh and be at the appropriate weight for my height.

And those numbers might be off, truth be told. I haven't gotten on a scale in two months because eating holidays and all that. But I'm going to start with 48 pounds.

2) In consideration of goal number 1, to cut out all the excess sugar in my diet. I will make exceptions for coffee and tea, but this means no soda, redbull (ACK! Kill me now!), candy, or other sweets.

3) In consideration of goals number 1 and 2: to cut out all the carb snacking that happens in my life. This means no trips to the snack baskets at work and to bring in healthy snacks for myself. Since I don't usually eat lunch at work, I must also endeavor to bring in healthy options to eat for lunch.

4) In consideration of goals 1-3: to exercise at least three times per week, gradually working up to five times per week. This one is going to be tough for me considering how much I hate mornings, so I know I won't wake up in time to actually go for a walk or do any yoga. And I don't get much down time before 10 at night. Right now, I don't have the excuse of the weather being too hot. It's perfectly lovely walking weather. I just need to f-bombing get my lazy tush out of the house.

5) Once a week, preferably twice, I will not make dinner and I will tell everyone -- even the Lady Gray -- that they have to fend for themselves so I can disappear into the studio and be creative. It doesn't matter what I create, so long as I create.

6) Not to overcommit: time, money, energy, resources. NO will be my key word of the year.

7) To actively work toward my goal of having a creative business. This means that that #5 and #6 need to happen. It also means I need to follow through on some of those classes I signed up for, work on my web sites, work on products and work on a business plan. It also means that I need to be more organized, thoughtful and productive.

8) To listen more attentively and to give my attention. The electronic devices will get put away and I will focus.

9) To save money each month. This means I'll have to forgo my Christmas card from Mr. Bezos, I suppose, but it'll be worth it in the long run. It also means that I'll have to plan meals for the week and only shop for the meals, rather than whatever strikes my fancy at any given time; look for specials and deals and learn to tell myself no. Instant gratification only lasts for an instant anyway.

10) To really quit smoking. Good lord does this need to happen. No more cheating just at work. No more using stress as an excuse to buy a pack of cigarettes. I have an e-cig, I need to use it.

11) To find opportunities for volunteerism and to give back to the world.

12) To spend more time with my family -- this includes my family up north, my family here and Jeff's family. I need to make an effort to see them and spend time with them. There's precious little time that each of us is allotted on this sphere, so I need to make the most of it with the people that I love.

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Because I've run out of "things", here are some other goals: to get ready every Sunday for the week ahead at work. To get to bed at a reasonable time so I wake up refreshed. To use what little time I have available each day to work toward achieving my goals. To remember that, in order to be able to give to my family, I need to, first, give to myself. To remember that I am worth love -- my own especially -- and to make the effort to love myself a bit more (this does not mean go shopping every week. It means that I need to honor each phase that I'm in, dwell in my heart a little bit more, and take time out for me). I also need to remember that I cannot and should not control the people in my life or their behavior. I need to love and respect my loved ones for who they are right now, not who I think they should be.

It's going to be tough to make all of this happen. There will be a fair amount of pity partying happening, methinks. Theoretically, I shouldn't try to do all of this at once since so much change might seem daunting and I'll just quit. But you know what? I use that as a damn crutch. And, like my dentist said (as she was filling my very first cavities), "go big or go home, huh?" Damn straight, Doc. Damn straight.

Wish me luck!

I'm having another go at this constant blogging thing

I'm utterly and entirely kaput in the body. My brain is begging me to please go to sleep, except that it won't shut up long enough to let me drift off into the land of nod. It's especially active and I feel another creative ADD surge coming on.

On the subject of Tuesdays, I think the best way to write about them is to write about experiencing them. Today, for instance, was not a very good Tuesday -- at least not at the beginning. But the end of the day was surely pleasant and there wasn't too much bad that I couldn't grace my way through. There was also much laughter to juxtapose against the frustration. I found myself saying, more than once, "at least it's not Monday."

...I wonder what that really says about Tuesdays.

I'm also sorely addicted to LinkedIn these days. Mostly because it's positively brimming with articles and essays and other 21st century marketing and selling and business stuff that is equal parts day-job related and night job related. I am dying to try some of these things out, for sure.

In the mean time, I'm enjoying my two blessed testosterone free hours to focus on my to-do list. I've broken the bugger down into day-by-day increments, which seems like the thing you should do. But it's my weekly to do list that I've broken down. Just stuff I want to get done this week... I break it down into daily segments so I don't beat myself up too much when I don't accomplish something on any given day.

I have yet more stuff planned for the Etsy shop. Yes, I do, my lovelies. I'm going to stock it to the rafters and then I'm going to market the holy hell out of it. Why? Because as much as day jobs pay the bills, I really don't want a day job that's on somebody else's terms. I've only got this one life to live and I really don't want to look back on it and say, "Gee! I was a good company girl!" No! I want to say that I lived it fiercely, fully and to the best of my ability.

...I may have gotten off to a late start on the whole fiercely and fully part, but I've still got decades to make up for it (God willing and the river don't rise, as my nana likes to say).


I'm off to go play on www.moo.com. That's a hint about possible Etsy products, in case you were wondering.

Love and light, y'all!

Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale they say...

I've got my "White Christmas" Pandora music station playing -- and I'm really starting to get into this whole Christmas vibe. I'm pretty sure that I can ride this Christmas spirit thing right on into the new year (God willing and the river don't rise).

I've already started elving, even. I started now in high hopes that I won't panic myself into grinch-mode. My desire to make or find the just right perfect gift for absolutely everyone often leaves me over stretched, over budget and over cranky. Not this year! This year, the elving starts early and I've plotted and planned so I won't go over budget!

Ignore the wall -- I'll explain why in a bit. But for the girls: homemade organic bath goodness!

For my Nana and Gram respectively. Hand drawn love.

And now for the "why my kitchen is destroyed". Well, it's kind of simple and convoluted. The Boyfriend™ has a friend at work whose girlfriend is making him replace his nearly-new kitchen appliances with stainless steal stuff. This is a boon for our house because it means we get new appliances! So, The Boyfriend™ trying to be all proactive and stuff decided to start taking out appliances that we're not going to be using between now and next week. One thing led to another, add a whole heap of boredom (and a Troll-free weekend), and he was tearing up and tearing down tile. So... yyyeah... we'll be living in a demolition zone for a while. Well, at least in the kitchen.

Our version of Christmas decorating.

But seriously! I'm stoked about the potential of getting rid of this circa-1972 style kitchen and getting some modernization up in this bitch. If for no other reason than it'll increase the resell value on the house -- which will get us to Massachusetts sooner, rather than later.

And now for the BIG BIG announcement!

I finally got off my ass and posted some stuff on the etsy shop! Holy shit, right?! The pickings are slim, but it's a start -- and just in time for Christmas! Go! Go forth and check it out. Buy some stuff if you want! http://www.etsy.com/shop/SamandSady

A Moment of Gratitude While Sitting on My Front Porch

Today was a particularly exhausting day, but not for the usual reasons. I'm on day three of my moon cycle - and this day is usually heinous. My body is worn out and demands rest on this day of the cycle, and the best thing I can do is honor that demand. Resistance is futile.

It was also open house at The Nugget's school tonight. I met his teacher and am ever so excited about the year for him, knowing that he has a compassionate teacher who is in it for the love of teaching. So far, I've heard nothing but positively glowing statements about her methods, her classroom, and about HER. I admired the way that she gently, but firmly, established her "alpha" role with The Nugget - even while I was standing there. It was a moment of cooperative "parenting," and put me even more at ease.

I have tomorrow off from work and am looking forward to the long weekend with The Trolls and The Boyfriend™ before school starts. While filled with a bit of here and there, it's also an opportunity for us to batten down the hatches and gear up for the school year. In anticipation of the chaos, I've gone a bit off the deep end and implemented a by-the-hour school week schedule, in an effort to not only mitigate that chaos but allow more structure and being present for each other, as a family.

Being present is something I am even more acutely aware of these days. Our trip to Massachusetts planted the seed and a startling wake up call, by way of The Monkey's report card, fertilized the roots. My children suffered for a lack of my being truly present for them. *I* suffered for a lack of being truly present. My relationship with The Boyfriend™ suffers from that lack, too, as well as a lack of listening. And while it will be an uphill battle to undo the damage wrought by my ignorance, I am grateful that I had this epiphany in time to fix it.

There are certain things that I wish I had the luxury of: homeschooling The Trolls, making a living from my art, so I can stay home and not be beholden to the clock. But being present and aware of that desire to simplify allows me to give more purpose to my days, because I am working toward that goal. Building the foundation for the realization of my dreams, by researching homeschooling, sustainable living, how to make my etsy shop successful, homes and land for sale in New England, will allow me to have EXACTLY what I want, rather than some facsimile thereof. So, in a way (and as frustrating as it is), I am grateful for the interlude between now and THEN - when I've achieved my goals - and here and THERE, so that the foundation I build is solid. So that I learn to breathe and be present. So that I walk this path with mindfulness.

Between here and there, and now and then, I can create memories and traditions. Memories of paths explored during the remaining time in Florida, to take with us and give us something to reminisce about during those long winter nights in New England. Traditions that can translate to whatever home we're in. Habits and guidelines to sustain us as we transition from one cycle of our lives together.

The last - and I think the most important - thing I am grateful for tonight is the realization that it's not too late. Time has a funny way of speeding by, but I have the power to slow it down. I have the power to stopnthe clock, if necessary, to give myself a couple more seconds here or there to make sure that I am not late. And as long as I am moving forward toward the realization of my dreams, then there is no such thing as too late.

The Actual Life List (and last post for today... maybe... I'm making up for lack of posting yesterday. Yeah, that's it)

You’ve talked about your life list, but what’s actually on it.

Part of me wants to tell you that my life list is a private thing and I don’t need to itemize out every single thing on it. But isn’t this whole blog about my life list (among other things)? And if I’m blogging about it, and want to live my most authentic life, I should probably be candid about my list.

Disclaimer: Some items on the list will be redacted, insofar as they’re just too personal to be in such a public place.

1. Learn how to make a chevron pattern friendship bracelet. DONE
2. Make those friendship bracelets for my friends.
3. Go back to San Francisco and visit all the touristy places I missed the first time I was there.
4. Visit Seattle
5. Visit Colorado (I’m thinking Boulder)
6. Get my passport
7. Get divorced (about ½-way there… paperwork is done, etc)
8. Own an outrageous and unnecessary red dress
9. Have the fairy princess wedding of my dreams (I don’t actually have “wedding dreams,” but I’d like to have “the show.” I eloped the first time)
10. Host an adult dinner party.
11. Cook a five-course gourmet meal.
12. Eat Chinese food in bed with The Boyfriend™ (maybe even feed it to each other)
13. Be passionately kissed in the rain.
14. Travel through Europe.
15. Hike the Appalachian Trail.
16. Take a road trip whose sole purpose is to stop at every tourist trap and historic landmark along the way.
17. Go to New Orleans.
18. [Redacted – I considered leaving it, but this one is just this side of too personal]
19. Go back to college and earn my degree in something useless, like business.
20. Be recognized for my art.
21. Be a published author (specifically with books that are written and illustrated by me).
22. Make my own pottery
23. Learn how to sculpt
24. Learn how to salsa dance – for real.
25. Learn how to properly cook five French dishes (two of these are done).
26. Visit an ashram in India.
27. Visit India
28. Visit China.
29. Ride in a hot air balloon (I have a late appearing mild fear of heights, so this will kill a couple birds with one stone).
30. Visit Africa.
31. Make my own ice cream.
32. Make my own olive oil infusions.
33. Attend Burning Man.
34. Go to Macchu Picchu.
35. [Redacted – it’s in my journal, but too personal for the blog]
36. Learn how to speak Italian
37. Learn how to speak German
38. Learn how to speak Spanish
39. Own a Craftsman-style house.
40. Learn to crochet.
41. Crochet an afghan.
42. Get my nose pierced.
43. Photograph indigenous people in Africa, Burma, Sudan, Bali, and the Easter Islands.
44. Attend a drum circle.
45. Visit Tibet.
46. Ring in the New Year in Times Square.
47. Taste 50 different types of rum (I’m up to eight, so far).
48. Visit Hadrian’s Wall.
49. Visit Stonehenge.
50. Take a trapeze lesson.
51. Have truffles in Paris.
52. See the aurora borealis.
53. Learn how to process my own film.
54. Kiss the Blarney Stone.
55. Contemplate my navel – or figure out exactly what that means (I looked it up, so I know what it means. I only consider this one ½ done).
56. Go two weeks without a clock or calendar.
57. Learn how to juggle.
58. Learn how to belly dance.
59. Become a licensed massage therapist.
60. Work for Doctors without Borders.
61. Grow my own herbs from seed to plant – without killing them (I’m on attempt 2)
62. Grow my own vegetables (Thanks to The Boyfriend™ for starting this one for me)
63. Cook a meal using only the herbs and vegetables that I grow.
64. Put on my own gallery show, sell the art, and donate the proceeds to charity.
65. Make a decent living from my art, be it through gallery shows, Internet sales, etc.
66. Learn basic metal smithing.
67. Make my own metal jewelry.
68. Get a postcard from 20 different countries.
69. Take The Boyfriend™ home for Halloween (we have a trip planned for mid-October, because I happen to be going to a trade show during that time. I’m going to count this one as done, once we go and come back). Done (10/16/10)
70. Go on a [redacted] getaway weekend with The Boyfriend™ and [redacted].
71. Get an iPhone, iPad and a Macbook (yes, I’m an Apple fanboy)
72. Make my own clothing that I would actually wear in public.
73. Buy an African Violet and keep it alive.
74. Planet lavender by my front door – keep it alive.
75. Learn to ask for help – and ask for it.
76. Own and wear a traditional Indian sari.
77. Make kites from newspaper and fly them with my kids.
78. Make a fort in my living room with my kids. (DONE)
79. Have a spa and makeover day with The Best Friend®
80. Make a pinhole camera and take pictures with it.
81. Take my own breath away.
82. Quit smoking.
83. Learn how to say “kiss me” in ten languages.
84. Learn how to say “I love you” in ten languages (DONE).
85. Tell my kids I love them in ten languages.
86. Write and illustrate a childrens’ book based on my gram’s childhood. Get it published.
87. Read War and Peace – from start to finish.
88. Understand algebra.
89. Jump in puddles with my kids (DONE)
90. Learn woodworking and build my own furniture.
91. Bake my own bread (DONE)
92. Own a Chincoteague pony.
93. Find and buy a Duaflex camera (DONE)
94. To finally believe that I am, in fact, an artist.
95. Taste 100 microbrew beers.
96. Live off the grid.
97. Learn to live simply.
98. Be a bartender (I don’t know why, but the idea appeals to me).
99. Make a tutu and wear it.

100. Design and build my own web site.

101. Learn to play the violin.

102. Learn ASL.

103. Learn to play the guitar.

104. Have a dance party with my kids, in the living room.

105. Make a thousand paper cranes (I have 21 done).

106. Make an oaktag crown.

107. Learn five new origami folds.

108. Make my own ricotta cheese.

109. Make my own lip balms
110. Travel to Turkey
111. Go to a Rainbow Gathering
112. Learn how to weld.

I am nowhere near done adding to the list, but this is a good start.