One week later

I went home for a too brief visit last week, to go to my paternal grandmother's (Dottie) family reunion. It was ridiculously good to be home, among family. I was spoiled rotten and catered to - because the LaBarge/Newman/Miller clan believe that pregnant women need to be spoiled. It's no wonder there are so many of us - a girl could get used to that kind of treatment.

My aunt Kathy and I compared many notes about our lives, likes and dislikes. We talked about family. We talked about friends. There was a good deal of sharing - even in the inconsequential stuff. Our bonds were reaffirmed and I felt validated. Here in the Sunshine state, I often get called crazy for loving the rain and complaining about all the sun. As it turns out, that's a family trait.

When Sunday rolled around, and it was time for me to head for points South, I didn't cry, which surprised me (because these days, I cry about everything). I felt more resolved to get home for good. WhenI walked in the door to a sleeping boyfriend and trolls, I was glad for those still packed boxes. We'll move those out to the garage for now, and keep them packed. It's stuff we want to keep, but nothing we're going to need in The next couple of years.

One week later, I miss home utterly. It's taking a great deal of strength not to huddle in a ball and cry about wanting to go home. I have to remind myself that there is work to be done here first. The necessary tilling and planting is happening now, so the harvest of home will await us in just a couple of short years. But I'm impatient and I want it NOW. But going home prepared for that first winter of obscene heating bills, with a nest egg socked away in case employment doesn't happen right away, will make everything better. I don't want to start the way I left home - sort of running away from a daily struggle to keep the lights on and feed the trolls.

I also have to remember to keep the hopes small, in terms of what I want when I get home. Ideally, I want a homestead that we can farm. I want self-resiliency and family under foot. But the monkey will be 15 and less likely to want to be underfoot. The nugget will be 12 and trailing his brother. A homestead may only happen with Lima Bean under foot and the trolls off on their own adventures - but I'm really OK with that. We'll be close to the large nest of family.

In the mean time, my dear friend Meeshka is working on getting her hand crafted pieces into shops around the area. I'm trying to convince her that we should go into business together. I would love nothing more than to have an established business to go home with (and to).

One week later and I am resolved. We WILL be home and soon, and all of this work of planting will bring a mighty harvest.

The fates, you should not tempt them...

Remember how I said it could be worse? Apparently, the fates took that as an engraved invitation to deliver a crappy week my way. A run down:

1) An employee on my staff's nephew OD'd last Monday. This meant that...

1a) I had to do her job on top of mine. Not a big deal, usually, except that we were already really short staffed.

2) My step-grandmother ended up in ICU on life support, suddenly and unexpectedly. Which meant that...

2a) I got to watch her die on Friday night. This was not a good thing at all and, in my opinion, should be illegal (the watching someone die part). But she was surrounded by people that love her, and that is a good death.

2b) The Trolls experienced their first wake. The Monkey is not a fan. It was very difficult for him. The Nugget, on the other hand, was a trooper and sat right by his Papa.

3) I got news that the nugget did not pass his FCAT, ergo did not pass third grade. He sobbed. It broke my heart. It's for the best, really, because he just wasn't ready for fourth grade (as much as he thinks he is).

4) Apparently, I blew through a red light on Mother's Day and the Pasco County Sheriff's department were very happy to collect my $158. I got the ticket on Saturday. The curse of Mother's Day continues...

5) The Boyfriend™ and I got into a tiff. It was by no means our worst fight, but it was enough to send me over the edge.

6) Our washing machine broke.

7) Our dishwasher does not actually wash dishes. It just bakes on food detritus and water film. Which means that...

7a) I have to wash all the dishes by hand.



OK Universe. I get it. It can and will get worse. I have had my quota of worse. And bad. And suck. And horrifying. And annoying. And crap. And blah. I will gladly accept good, and fun, and wholesome and loving and everything is awesome with the world. Yeah, I'll take plenty of that.

I'm off to Opp, Alabama today to lay the grandmother to rest. Opp has about 6500 souls and is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it town in the middle of some backwoods. I'm hoping for some good photography moments, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm also going to be stuck in a car for eight hours with my errant sister, whose behavior makes tattooing the side of my face look tame in comparison.

So, Universe? We're even. I'll take that goodness now.

Images from New Orleans

Oh! How I love New Orleans -- the energy. The vibe. The atmosphere. The readily available debauchery (that I didn't indulge in... much... thankyouverymuch). I wish The Boyfriend™ had been there to explore with me (it's not a very troll-friendly city), but I'm so, so glad I had the experience.

I hope to turn some of these images into art soon. So, don't be douchey and steal them or anything.

This building caught my eye every time we walked past it, into the quarter.

Same building, juxtaposed against its neighbor.

Urban decay -- I love it.

No need to flash your boobies when you can just grab some beads from... well... anywhere.

I love this building. I felt like I was in NOLA from 1850

Mama Leveau's tomb... supposedly. There were a few marked up tombs in St. Louis No 1 Cemetery

The Two Year Plan...Ssshh I'm not supposed to talk about it.

My first instinct is not to say anything about The Two Year Plan, lest Injinx it somehow, but upon further consideration, if I don't say anything, I'm likely to just keep it a plan and not do anything about it.

I'll get to the plan in a moment...

My head is spinning right now, so I can't sleep at all. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and there is absolutely so much I have to do, in such a short period of time. Fortunately, The Trolls are still in Massachusetts for the next few weeks, so I'll be able to commit to linger hours at work, which will help. But still...nothing like leaving paradise to come back to the gauntlet. Jeez Louise...

This past week was magical, even if nit terribly exciting. I feel like The Boyfriend™ and I connected on a really solid level. We spent some real quality time with The Trolls, creating good, happy memories for us all. You can't put a price on that.

Even though I didn't have near enough time to see all of my family or most of my friends, the time I did spend with family was solid and good. I feel grounded and whole again. The Boyfriend™ got to connect with my family and glean a greater understanding about why I am the way I am (which, I think went a great deal toward helping connect us).

The air was breathable; the river clear and crisp. I got a good fix of rainy weather, which I have been so desperately missing in Florida, where we are currently experiencing drought-like conditions.

There were ghosts and burnt popcorn. There was one bleeding head. There was peeling skin and picnics on the grass. There was a bedroom campout. There was love and laughter and joy.

I am not ready to leave that behind. So, I won't. Which brings me to The Two Year Plan.

Over the course of the next two years, The Boyfriend™ and I will be scaling back the excess in our lives to scrimp and save every penny toward moving to Massachusetts (back to, for me). It's going to require a phenomenal effort on our parts, considering that I especially have the attention span of a fruit fly, but the benefits will be worth it. By August 30, 2013, if all goes according to plan, we should have about $24,000 saved up, which will be a nice nest egg to start our new life. Here's how it will work.

There are certain fixed household expenses, not counting groceries, daycare, cell phone bills,etc. We're each going to maintain our private bills separately. Fixed bills are about $1000 a month, total, or $500 each. Not a lot, when you get down to it.

We're each going to set aside, in the joint account, another $500 per month, each. This chunk will go into savings where we'll promptly forget about it and let it accrue some interest.

The Boyfriend™ wants to buy a house up there, but I'm more of a renter. We'll have to see how this one pans out, but the ultimate goal is to have a solid chunk of change for a down payment on a fixer upper that we can make our own. The Boyfriend™ currently owns the house we're living in now, so we may hold onto it as a rental property so he, at least, has an exit strategy.

There are a lot of other small details that are going into this plan, such as cleaning up old, existing debts, and making sure that we're planning meals before we grocery shop, so we don't go overboard - and I'll spare you the rest - but, the nitty gritty is what, ultimately, will help us stay focused and on target.

In the mean time, I'm trying to equally realize that much of this is post-vacation syndrome, but also realizing that my excitement has more to do with this being something I really, REALLY want to do (and it's on my life list, no less), and wanting to keep the momentum of my post-vacation syndrome going to propel me toward success.

I expect that there will be hurdles on my way, namely unforeseen expenses, or unplanned trips to the ER, but I will NOT let those get in the way or get me down.

The funny thing is, though, The Universe seems to be pointing us in this direction, anyway, from my Kabbalah tune ups, to my TUT messages, to my horoscope...everything is saying DO IT. And whe. the Universe speaks, it's wise to listen.

Keep the positive thoughts flowing, my lovelies. I'll need all the encouragement, focus, love and support I can get.

The Actual Life List (and last post for today... maybe... I'm making up for lack of posting yesterday. Yeah, that's it)

You’ve talked about your life list, but what’s actually on it.

Part of me wants to tell you that my life list is a private thing and I don’t need to itemize out every single thing on it. But isn’t this whole blog about my life list (among other things)? And if I’m blogging about it, and want to live my most authentic life, I should probably be candid about my list.

Disclaimer: Some items on the list will be redacted, insofar as they’re just too personal to be in such a public place.

1. Learn how to make a chevron pattern friendship bracelet. DONE
2. Make those friendship bracelets for my friends.
3. Go back to San Francisco and visit all the touristy places I missed the first time I was there.
4. Visit Seattle
5. Visit Colorado (I’m thinking Boulder)
6. Get my passport
7. Get divorced (about ½-way there… paperwork is done, etc)
8. Own an outrageous and unnecessary red dress
9. Have the fairy princess wedding of my dreams (I don’t actually have “wedding dreams,” but I’d like to have “the show.” I eloped the first time)
10. Host an adult dinner party.
11. Cook a five-course gourmet meal.
12. Eat Chinese food in bed with The Boyfriend™ (maybe even feed it to each other)
13. Be passionately kissed in the rain.
14. Travel through Europe.
15. Hike the Appalachian Trail.
16. Take a road trip whose sole purpose is to stop at every tourist trap and historic landmark along the way.
17. Go to New Orleans.
18. [Redacted – I considered leaving it, but this one is just this side of too personal]
19. Go back to college and earn my degree in something useless, like business.
20. Be recognized for my art.
21. Be a published author (specifically with books that are written and illustrated by me).
22. Make my own pottery
23. Learn how to sculpt
24. Learn how to salsa dance – for real.
25. Learn how to properly cook five French dishes (two of these are done).
26. Visit an ashram in India.
27. Visit India
28. Visit China.
29. Ride in a hot air balloon (I have a late appearing mild fear of heights, so this will kill a couple birds with one stone).
30. Visit Africa.
31. Make my own ice cream.
32. Make my own olive oil infusions.
33. Attend Burning Man.
34. Go to Macchu Picchu.
35. [Redacted – it’s in my journal, but too personal for the blog]
36. Learn how to speak Italian
37. Learn how to speak German
38. Learn how to speak Spanish
39. Own a Craftsman-style house.
40. Learn to crochet.
41. Crochet an afghan.
42. Get my nose pierced.
43. Photograph indigenous people in Africa, Burma, Sudan, Bali, and the Easter Islands.
44. Attend a drum circle.
45. Visit Tibet.
46. Ring in the New Year in Times Square.
47. Taste 50 different types of rum (I’m up to eight, so far).
48. Visit Hadrian’s Wall.
49. Visit Stonehenge.
50. Take a trapeze lesson.
51. Have truffles in Paris.
52. See the aurora borealis.
53. Learn how to process my own film.
54. Kiss the Blarney Stone.
55. Contemplate my navel – or figure out exactly what that means (I looked it up, so I know what it means. I only consider this one ½ done).
56. Go two weeks without a clock or calendar.
57. Learn how to juggle.
58. Learn how to belly dance.
59. Become a licensed massage therapist.
60. Work for Doctors without Borders.
61. Grow my own herbs from seed to plant – without killing them (I’m on attempt 2)
62. Grow my own vegetables (Thanks to The Boyfriend™ for starting this one for me)
63. Cook a meal using only the herbs and vegetables that I grow.
64. Put on my own gallery show, sell the art, and donate the proceeds to charity.
65. Make a decent living from my art, be it through gallery shows, Internet sales, etc.
66. Learn basic metal smithing.
67. Make my own metal jewelry.
68. Get a postcard from 20 different countries.
69. Take The Boyfriend™ home for Halloween (we have a trip planned for mid-October, because I happen to be going to a trade show during that time. I’m going to count this one as done, once we go and come back). Done (10/16/10)
70. Go on a [redacted] getaway weekend with The Boyfriend™ and [redacted].
71. Get an iPhone, iPad and a Macbook (yes, I’m an Apple fanboy)
72. Make my own clothing that I would actually wear in public.
73. Buy an African Violet and keep it alive.
74. Planet lavender by my front door – keep it alive.
75. Learn to ask for help – and ask for it.
76. Own and wear a traditional Indian sari.
77. Make kites from newspaper and fly them with my kids.
78. Make a fort in my living room with my kids. (DONE)
79. Have a spa and makeover day with The Best Friend®
80. Make a pinhole camera and take pictures with it.
81. Take my own breath away.
82. Quit smoking.
83. Learn how to say “kiss me” in ten languages.
84. Learn how to say “I love you” in ten languages (DONE).
85. Tell my kids I love them in ten languages.
86. Write and illustrate a childrens’ book based on my gram’s childhood. Get it published.
87. Read War and Peace – from start to finish.
88. Understand algebra.
89. Jump in puddles with my kids (DONE)
90. Learn woodworking and build my own furniture.
91. Bake my own bread (DONE)
92. Own a Chincoteague pony.
93. Find and buy a Duaflex camera (DONE)
94. To finally believe that I am, in fact, an artist.
95. Taste 100 microbrew beers.
96. Live off the grid.
97. Learn to live simply.
98. Be a bartender (I don’t know why, but the idea appeals to me).
99. Make a tutu and wear it.

100. Design and build my own web site.

101. Learn to play the violin.

102. Learn ASL.

103. Learn to play the guitar.

104. Have a dance party with my kids, in the living room.

105. Make a thousand paper cranes (I have 21 done).

106. Make an oaktag crown.

107. Learn five new origami folds.

108. Make my own ricotta cheese.

109. Make my own lip balms
110. Travel to Turkey
111. Go to a Rainbow Gathering
112. Learn how to weld.

I am nowhere near done adding to the list, but this is a good start.